Sunday, August 29, 2010

There's no place like 'Home'..

At the end of August we will have been in our home for 10 months. That's along time to care for a house, pay a mortgage, etc. I think back to when we lived in our oh so fancy apartment for almost 4 years. Even though I appreciate having a place of our own and especially that is was in Plainville there is so much I do not miss.

You know me, I love lists. Love em! Everytime I get frustrated over something so small in our house I remind myself about the apartment. Now it wasn't bad and I promise to make a list of all the goods that happened while we were there. However, today I'm looking back at things that happened that help me appreciate our home! So here we go.

I sure don't miss.....

...the rotting pine trees in the parking lot that leaned over my little Ford Escort. It dripped sap all over and was awful to remove. Friends of mine who ever visited, I apologize for the sap on your car!
...having to contact the main office for 2 months straight until they fixed our mailbox, gave us a key only to have ripped up mail in the box accumulating overtime.
...the first neighbor across the hall who was overly friendly and creepy all at once. I was 5 minutes late running to the basement to grab my laundry just to find him removing it and folding it in my basket. He smiled and said 'I thought I'd fold it for you and bring it up' I replied nicely..'Please don't touch my laundry'
...the washer and driers in the scary, dark, dirty, smelly basement. Going back to my previous comment (5 minutes late).. neighbors would leave it over night and at one point 2-3 days in a row. I put up a sign one time, very nice and one of the neighbors ripped it down and threw it out. Sidenote: No one ever cleaned out the lint.
...when it snowed and it took until 5pm that day for the plows to come and clear everything out. Meanwhile, your pants for work were nice and wet, of course cold and icycles hanging off.
...our crazy neighbor living below us. When I say crazy I'm being nice.. I really mean psychotic. Friends, how can you forget? He was constantly yelling throwing things, honking his horn, very unfriendly. He lived with his wife/fiance/girlfriend (either way she was unfaithful) and children.
...our crazy neighbor (yep same guy) who parked in front of the door everyday even though it was the fire lane. It didn't allow the rest of us to park in front to drop off groceries off.
...the cracked window in the kitchen. It was our first day and I was sure to call them to let them know there was a crack. We didn't want to move out one day and not get our deposit back. 4 yrs later we move out and I waved goodbye to the cracked window that never got fixed.
...when there was a break in to a bunch of cars outside our building. There was a huge spot light that faced the cars that was out for months. I wrote letters as well Charlie and I both called. Nothing was done and Friday, October 13th was the night some youngin's broke up and stole some stuff out neighbors cars. Did you know the next day the light got fixed? Well.. I'll be!
...brown water! The pipes were rusty and on so many occasions you had to let the water run for a few minutes before hopping in. Let me say though, I am THANKFUL we had warm water. It's just rather nice in our house seeing how clear it is against a white bathtub.
...speedbumps. As fun as they are to speed and fly over my little Ford Escort (rip where ever you are) got a beating underneath.

The end! :)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Find out for yourself all of the strengths you have inside of you..

I was just listening to Jason Mraz, a personal favorite musician & lyricist of mine. He's quite inspriational and I go through life looking for guidance. Even though he's a bit famous and I've never met him, most likely will never.. I genuinely appreciate him being who he is and sharing what he's created with the world. So thank you Jason Mraz!

"Find out for yourself all of the strengths you have inside of you.." The very last verse to his song, 'Song For A Friend.' My last entry was putting together a list of things in my life that were related to the love in my life. I really enjoyed doing that, it felt good. I cried putting that together, but it wasn't because I was sad.. well I guess that's not true. Partly, I was sad thinking back to certain events but it was a good, therapeutic cry which is really healthy.

I've always been an open person and I think that goes back to when I was little and being quite the chatterbox, outgoing and being surrounded by really happy, exciting people. I think love and strength goes hand in hand. I don't think.. I feel that. What we overcome makes us stronger, but we lose, makes us stronger. When we give up on something it doesn't necessarily break us, we learn from it, so that too makes us stronger.

I think it's a great idea for everyone to take time to make a list of their strengths. You don't have to share it with anyone if you choose, but just so that you can remind yourself when times get hard what you've overcome. We're all super-men and women. After you make your list, take a look in the mirror and really look at yourself. That's you, the guy/girl who overcame all of that, it's pretty amazing, it really is.

Just a few things on my list of moments that have helped to make me strong:

..graduating High School, that's alot of years of education built up for one day. The friendships that were made and lost, taking something from all of them.
..being there with all of my grandparents when they were all fighting
cancer. Questioning my beliefs after losing each one and then the day I stopped being angry and began living with the memories and what I learned from all of them.
..when my first breast tumor was discovered when I was 19 and for almost 2 weeks they thought it was cancerous. Being the youngest in a room full of women all suffering from cancer and feeling their strength. My Dr was a true inspiration and helped me understand everything. 4 tumors later, they have all been benign.
..the first time my heart got broken and the first time I broke someone else's heart. You feel you can't go on, but you do, we always do and things get better.
..the day we moved out of the house we lived in for over 15 years. I thought life would never be the same, there was a huge hole in my heart. Then I realized how family made a house a home and not the location.

I love you all,

Monday, August 16, 2010

Hello to you too, Love.

Life is crazy, would you agree? I look back to the order of events that brought me to this moment, suppose I do that everyday. Thinking of the most important people in my life and reasons why we are all placed the way we are in one another's lives.

Love is crazy. There's so many different types of 'love'. There's the L word that people are scared to say to someone they may be falling for. There's the love we feel for our pets, our friends, people who made a difference in our lives, a stranger that made your day. A moment, a shirt or pair of jeans, flowers, a book that changes your life. We love air condition when it's hot. There's the love that we can't explain and just feel.

All the people, moments, things that play a part of our life we love when we stop to think about it. I felt like putting a list together of things I love and what love means to be. It's a bit random but while waiting for the laundry to be done and in between cleaning I felt why not sit and make this list. As you know, I love, love, the whole concept of it. I'm feeling more and more lately that people are losing site of love and those that fill our lives up of love and the things around us we're taking for granted.

So here's my list.. what love means to me in no particular order.

Love is..
.. waking up, walking outside to a rose bush that happened to bloom over night. Never owning a house and here I am picking my first rose, putting it in a shotglass on my counter.
.. the excitement of our new puppy, Peanut wagging his stubby tail the momeny I come home.
.. going to the cemetery every spring to plant flowers at my Memere, Papa and Uncle's grave. Something I used to do with my Memere.
.. watching 'It's a Wonderful Life' every yr before Christmas time and thinking what a wonderful life I have being able to share with my family and friends.
.. feeding ducks with Charlie at Mill Pond when we first started dating - 9 years ago.
.. someone asking 'How are you today' when I'm having an awful day and even though I always say 'I'm doing great'. I love that you asked.
.. watching old videos from High School that my best friends and I put together.
.. Cold, raspberry ice tea
.. a hug from someone I haven't seen in a long time because it's expressing how much you've missed each other.
.. Cherry, my favorite stuffed animal that I was given the last Christmas that we had with my Papa.
.. Singing in the car with the windows down.
.. Hiking with good people who appreciate nature as much as I do.
.. old photographs which what I take today will someday be.
.. silence when my mind and heart need it.
.. a best friend book that Tania gave me when we were 19 and we've both filled out. It's not complete, but it exists and has such great memories.
.. the poetry book I started in 3rd grade (which I still have of course)
.. the first time I drank malibu & pineapple with Charlie at the casino when I turned 21.
.. the inside jokes with my family that never get old and we can laugh about over and over.
.. being strong and overcoming bad/sad obstacles with my family.
.. the pain I feel when family is fighting, because love is being challenged.
.. playing tennis in High School and being apart of an amazing team.
.. art class and all the talented friends I made. We all supported one another and could see things other people couldn't.
.. Old Orchard Beach and staying in the same cottages for 20 years.
.. born with that outgoing characteristic which allowed me to make friends easy.
.. living next to my grandparents as a child and calling my Papa my best friend.
.. making a chocolate milkshake just right.
.. seeing my Grandma's huge smile when I said she's a 'Cool Grandma' when she bought a bandana after she started to go through her Chemo treatments.
.. my last sleepover with my Memere before she passed away and what we talked about.
.. Sitting at home with my sister on a Saturday night watching an awful movie with Lou Diamond Philips.
.. Charlie playing his guitar and knowing he feels at peace.
.. hearing my parents laugh.
.. having genuine parents who raise you to love everyone and not hold grudges.
.. crying with a close friend.
.. worrying about people who mean the world to you.
.. being scared.
.. giving a good tip.
.. hot chocolate when it's snowing.
.. the day we were told Nevan won't make it and he did.
.. not having an actual brother but living next to my little cousin who IS my brother.
.. honesty, that's all I've ever asked for.
.. when a stranger holds the door open and smiles before walking away.
.. staying home, drinking wine and taking goofy pictures with a friend.
.. going for a walk at the park and catching up with someone you haven't seen.
.. getting a text from a good friend to say 'hope you have a great day today, I'm thinking of you'
.. my greens eyes that I was once told by my Papa.."that means you're extra Irish"
.. my tears
.. building forts in the living room with Kelly in elementary school when Mom worked late. Dad let us get away with so much.
.. the feeling when I was tall enough to go on bumper cars without an adult.
.. the day I got my driver's license.
.. getting an award at work which makes you realize what you did, didn't go unnoticed.
.. the smell of my favorite candle that just eases me.
.. personal notes in a Birthday card.
.. getting mail which does not include bills.
.. doing something just because and seeing the smile on your face.

This list could continue and one day I will add to it. I love you all for so many different and simliar reasons. We keep each other's hearts going.