Moms, You Are Doing A Great Job

As I sit here realizing there are 2 more days left of 2015 I'm thinking back to this past year. Where was I one year ago? 

Autumn was a little over a month. Her months as she grew is basically how I decipher time. A year ago I was having a panic attack nervous breakdown going back to work. She wasn't even 8 weeks yet. Autumn was always crying when she fed (which I was nursing). I felt something was wrong with me, and then I realized something wasn't right with her. I was doing everything by the book with nursing, I was watching what I ate. Her latch was great. Asking everyone and anyone I knew who was nursing if they were going through the same thing. I even took videos of her nursing and how she reacted to send to other moms. I can't tell you how heartbreaking it is when others say "My baby doesn't do that..".. Then there were Moms I found struggling with the same thing. When we finally found out she had Reflux, even though I didn't want her in pain, there was a weight lifted. Just knowing what the "what" was and then the "how" we're going to treat this was already leading us in a better place than we were. 

Those days that turned into months of the struggle with her Reflux left me extremely weak as a Mother. That incredible strength and empowerment I had delivering her was gone. It left me with insecurities, no confidence and I kept myself shut away in our home. I timed any outings so no one could see her nurse. I didn't want anyone seeing her cry. Why? Because of the reactions I received. 

"Why is she crying".. 

"She's always crying.." ... 

"She must have colic".. 

"Your baby has colic"...

"She's hungry" ... 

"Is she getting enough"

"Babies don't cry like that"

"Maybe you should stop nursing.."... 

"If it's this hard then maybe nursing isn't the best option.."

... I could go on.. but I think you get the idea..

For anyone reading this that may realize they have said any of those to someone at some point. Or perhaps, it's thoughts that go through your mind but you never say. There's something I would love to share which will honestly help any mother, whatever their struggle is at anytime. Instead of negative feedback even though it's coming from a good place, or anything that may knock a mother down deeper than they are... just hug them and say ...

.."You are doing a great job. You are strong. I am here for you".

I can't begin to start writing about all of the times I did hear that, how much better it made that obstacle I was facing. I had an incredible support system. Reflux is not the end of the world, I know. I also know there are many other ailments that babies deal with that require extensive treatments. But when you're a new Mom and this is all you know, it's very difficult. You know what... we got through it. I'm fortunate enough now to be able to help others going through this as well.  

I wanted to share this because that's where I was 1 year ago and now as 2015 ends I feel like I could handle just about anything that comes our way. I want to help other new Moms because there are not enough books that could begin to tell you how this all play out. I still have doubts don't get me wrong, and question my parenting or second guess too often, but I know I'm right up there with all you Super Moms. You are ALL Super Moms and inspire me every day! Kudos to you all and I hope you know that! 

                You are doing a great job. You are strong and will forever be. I am here for you. 

Our Biggest Worry Before the Baby Arrived

When a new baby arrives I think that I can speak for most of us with pets when I say... it's nerve racking to know just how the animals will take to the new being in their home. I remember how stressed we were with our two cats. We researched and contemplated how we would keep her room "cat free". We thought of putting a screen door in replace of her wooden door to the nursery which would still allow air flow. Then we realized the cats would probably tear the screen apart. With our dog, Peanut who is our baby, that made us nervous. Would he be jealous of her? Would his awesome personality change in which he wouldn't be our baby anymore? Would he hate us? 

5 months after Autumn Lily was born and we find ourselves laughing at all of those worries. Peanut was extremely protective of Autumn in the beginning. He wouldn't let the cats go near her never mind even get to smell her. Now they're all friends, with the exception of Nevan (our first cat). He has no interest in anyone or anything but food. Now that Autumn can sit and reach she likes to grab Peanut and the cats. Peanut keeps his distance these days but still watches over her. 

Here is a little taste of the silliness between Autumn and her babies. I believe she's trying to tell Peanut how stressful teething is. 

Our Funny Valentine

This past Valentine's Day was Charlie and I 14th Valentine's together. I remember early on in our relationship something always came up on that day where we couldn't spend it together. After a few years it wasn't so much a big deal anymore. We never went out but we would give each other cards and maybe the occasional gift.

A year ago was our first Valentine's as a married couple, woohoo! Since it felt like a special enough reason to celebrate we had reservations and went to dinner. I remember feeling so happy being out with Charlie at a fancy shmancy restaurant enjoying a glass of wine and chicken parmigiana. I felt pretty and not so broken. Mainly, because a few weeks prior I had gotten positives on a bunch of pregnancy tests. Sadly, for whatever reason those "positives" just were not meant to be that month, they weren't meant to be for us at that time. 

Being out with Charlie that night on Valentine's Day cheered me up, lifted my spirits. I wasn't sitting around questioning "why me? why us?". What I hadn't known then, which I know now.. is that night when we were at dinner celebrating the Holiday of Love as a married couple, we had already conceived Autumn. 

This past Valentine's Day we spent the evening in, snuggling with Autumn, enjoying take-out of Chicken Parmigiana and a bottle of wine. We celebrated the love that Autumn has brought to our lives and forever this Holiday will represent her. 

Telling Stories Without Books

We show her love every day.

Every second.

We give her kisses.

We tell her how much she's loved.

Every day she wakes up

I tell her what a miracle she is.

Every day she wakes up

I tell her she completes us.

Even though she won't remember now

I tell her stories.

Stories about Charlie and I 

How we met.

When we found our first apartment.

Moving in on New Year's Eve.

Searching for our own home.

Moving in on Halloween.

How we found Nevan, Minnie and Peanut.

I tell her about Larry the Frog who will never die.

When we found out we were pregnant.

The reactions of announcing to everyone.

I tell her so many stories.

About visits to NYC.

Vacations in Old Orchard.

The time we went to Disney.

Travelling to California.

The time we lost power for a week during a blizzard.

How Charlie would win at Survivor.

Day trips that Charlie and I have taken.

Amazing places we stumbled upon while driving

with no direction.

I tell her about her family.

Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins.

I show her pictures and name the faces.

I've told her about the time I chased a thief in my car 

with her Auntie Michelle. 

Her eyes widen, because I animate my voice every time.

I told her the first time I went fishing with my Memere.

I told her stories of my Memere, Papa and my Grandma.

I told her how much Charlie loved his Grandma.

Stories of people she won't have the chance to meet.

Like the best Birthday gift I ever got.

A cucumber wrapped in newspaper 

from a garden that my Papa and I grew together.

I tell her the things I loved to do as a child.

Biking, rollerblading, catching frogs, snakes and turtles.

Playing kick the can with the my cousins.

I want to teach her that.

Art contests I had won and how it all began

with a coloring book.

I sing the stories to her.

Even though my voice is off key.

I tell her to always be herself, sing and dance her heart out.

You know.. like no one is watching.

I tell her how beautiful she is

and describe her face to her.

I'll continue to tell her stories every day 

someday maybe she'll tell me stories.

Someday maybe she'll tell her children stories

that I once spoke of.

If We Knew Then What We Know Now

In life it seems we are always telling ourselves if we knew then what we knew now, we would have done things differently. Wow, that's a tongue twister of a sentence! In all seriousness... with Autumn close to 10 weeks I think back to when we brought her home. Even more so, when she was born. If I could go back 10 weeks I would like to tell myself ...

...Labor is tough but eventually it ends and won't be forgotten. Labor makes you strong, incredible and like a super hero. You'll feel amazing, like you've moved the world and your husband will see you completely different after. He will love you more than he thought possible.  

...That back that hurt throughout the majority of the 2nd and 3rd trimester, you know. The back that didn't allow you to sleep or sit comfortably anywhere. The back that you thought would break during pushing the baby out. That back was actually just preparing you, strengthening you and once that baby is born you'll have a Back Bone! You won't be afraid to speak your mind anymore as your baby is number one. Your Back Bone will make you truly see that super hero that was created the first moment you heard Autumn cry.

...Breastfeeding will be hard, it's a journey. You will experience mastitis, an infection, Autumn will have tongue tie and you'll cringe anytime she wants to nurse. You will want to give up and you'll come to a point you do give up. That will only last a short time. The tongue tie will be fixed, the infection and mastitis will go away with great antibiotics. The down time when you are pumping and barely breastfeeding while you heal, you are going to miss breastfeeding. You will feel like you've lost your bond with Autumn, but you haven't. Even if you don't continue to nurse you'll never lose that bond. I just want you to know not to give up and to know you'll get through it, because after all.. you are a super hero.

...The nights will be tough. Even though you hadn't slept through the night during the last 8 weeks of your pregnancy, nights will be tough. They won't last long at all. When Autumn starts to smile, you'll wake up every morning and see a smiling baby. Once you see that smile it will make all those weeks prior with lack of sleep worth while. If you knew then what I know now, you'll appreciate every sleepless night that much more.

...The struggle of getting the baby to sleep. The first week will seem like a piece of cake, really. Autumn will sleep what feels like the entire day and when she nurses she will be half asleep during it.  When you put her in the crib, she'll just close her eyes and bam.. asleep! You'll think "this is so easy". Then week two will sneak up on you and it will take longer for Autumn to sleep. It will seem like forever standing in front of her crib with the lights low, swaddled and rocking her from side to side. Your arms will feel sore and legs will be tired. You'll put her down and she'll fuss each time she touches the mattress. I want to tell you to turn all the lights off in her room. She likes the dark. I want to tell you she likes music at night and feels safe. She will fight being swaddled but will feel very secure in it. I want to tell you not to rock her until she's fully asleep, just with her eyes barely opened. As the weeks pass by she will begin to soother herself to sleep and you'll be patting yourself on the back saying "this is so easy".

...Your life has changed forever. You will experience a new relationship. There was a piece missing in your life that you never knew before. When you hold Autumn for the first time, you'll realize that you are complete.

Embrace Moments and Stop Time

I still can't believe Autumn is 2 months old. I know in years from now I'll be saying the same thing. I get emotional by the end of each day knowing that when we wake up she's 1 day older than the last. I wish that we could be given a bunch of moments in which we could stop time. It of course is hard to choose moments... but if I had some chances to go back, I'd hold tight to the moment I was handed Autumn. I would have smelled her little newborn head longer and rubbed my face longer against her fuzzy little newborn hair before it all fell out. Because of this feeling of days rapidly passing by, I embrace all the time I get with Autumn. I tell her what's happening in those moments and why they're so special. Why life is so beautiful. I'm happy to have moments like that captured but I want them back already.

9 Days Old

1 Month Old

2 Months Old

Infant Reflux.. Not What The Mommy Ordered

This is our smiling baby girl. The happy baby and she really is a happy baby more than 90% of the time. Then there is that small % of time where she is a little sad face. Once I see those pouty lips, scrunchy nose and chin wrinkles appear I know that there is going to be a drop in the fun Autumn roller coaster ride. That happy smile can go to a sad face within seconds, minutes, hours or from a random noise that awakes her while she was peacefully sleeping.

Babies are just as emotional as their new mommies (in my opinion). That's what I have learned in these 8 weeks of Autumn's life. You can do everything you can possible to make them happy which most of the time works but sometimes they just are little fussy faces. 

Aside from those moments our little jelly bean is going through a rough time with Infant Reflux which we just discovered within the last few weeks. Certain symptoms we just took as "she's a newborn and that's how babies are". It wasn't until last week that I just felt something was not right. I didn't realize how common it was and it's been comforting talking to other mommies that went or are going through reflux with their little munchkins. (Shout-out to the most amazing support system!)

I wanted to write a post on this so that I can track Autumn's progress and when we get past this I hope it can help other moms to know they're not alone. That is how I felt, alone... until I found others that are battling this. I am no expert by any means but am sharing our experience. 

To an adult, reflux is not fun, and it may not seem like the worst thing in the world, but when a baby has it and you see the pain they're going through.. it's honestly like someone ripping your heart out and you're told to give it time.

What are her symptoms? She was beginning to arch her back during feedings and scream. She pulls away from the bottle several times as well my breasts during nursing and latches back on. These actions she would repeat. For a breastfeeding mom that looks forward to that comfort of nursing, experiencing this takes quite a toll on you emotionally. Not being able to nurse your baby to sleep or comfort her leaves you feeling extremely depressed, unfulfilled and insecure. She would do this all while crying and seeming as though she's incredibly uncomfortable and frustrated. She spits up quite frequently which of course causes more acid. Mind you, there are good feedings normally earlier in the day. It always progresses as the day does. She would cry at times being placed on her back and wake up at moments screaming (not fussing or baby cries) as if she was in complete pain. Sadly, for a few weeks we thought maybe she's just gassy in which we followed instructions on helping the baby push through that..... but no dice.

Supposedly, reflux can just "go away" between 3-6 months old, vamoosh, outta here! Some have mentioned it took a year before their babies reflux vanished. If you're going through this you know it's not something you can wait out and let it pass. You're missing out on valuable time with your babies during those feedings and at other times during the day. 

What are our Treatment Methods? There's so many things we have read online that work for some and not for others but we are working on trying everything possible! I'm constantly researching to work on getting rid of this reflux or at least controlling it.

*We have bought a sleep wedge for her crib to raise her up. This way when she sleeps, she's on an angle (just as adults need to do when they have reflux). 

*After each feeding we have to keep her upright for 20-30 minutes. For moms that know if a baby is sleepy this definitely is a burden as you know your baby is completely exhausted, but that's what we need to do. 

*Burping, burping, burping.. man does she hate burping. This hasn't changed as it's something we've always done and has to be done reflux or no reflux.

*We have now began adding a very small amount of rice cereal to her bottles she gets in the evening of breast milk. This weighs down the milk which then makes is less likely of her spitting up after the bottle. 

*Medicine - We are parents that do not like giving our baby medicine and prefer other options but in this case we have started her per the pediatrician on Zantac. She's been on this for a week now and we had to increase the dosage to the maximum that is still safe for her weight and age. 

*Mommy Diet - I have began a diet to rule out any allergies that are causing Autumn's reflux. I have taken milk, eggs, nuts, soy and fish out of my diet. Try finding stuff to eat... it's a toughie but it's what this mommy has to do for her baby!

We're hoping that among all of this there were will be some relief for our little Autumn Lily. Already, she is doing well with the rice cereal in her evening bottles. Shes' successfully finished them with no spit up which is wonderful. We haven't noticed a difference yet with the sleep wedge as she's still sleeping the same stretches as before. The medicine as I mentioned we had to increase. If there is no change by next week we'll be seeing other options. The diet, I just began so we wouldn't see a drastic change quite yet.

I am at this moment sending positive thoughts to all of those mommies out there in which their little babes are suffering from reflux. It's definitely a tough time but enjoy all the smiles your baby gives you and embrace all those happy moments you get during the day. That's what keeps you going and provides the light at the end of the tunnel that once there is control over the reflux we'll get that small % of time we're missing out on, back.

85 Days Until We Meet You

Ah. August 21st, the day I turned the big.. 3-0! I took that day off to have some "Me & Autumn time". It wasn't all that eventful but it was relaxing and exactly what we needed. For some reason that day while walking around Home Goods in search of a chalkboard for her Nursery, it really hit me that soon I'll be pushing a stroller, a carriage or wearing a kangaroo pouch with Autumn tucked inside laying against my chest. 

It's my last Birthday which I'll be celebrating as "Katie". This was something very beautiful as the thought of next time my Birthday comes around I will be "Mom". Apart of me in all honesty was a little sad. Not at all that I'll be a Mom, but that this Katie who holds my youth, my mistakes, my experiences, lessons, fears, nights of crying into pillows, getting all dolled up to meet friends for drinks and memories that were just based on decisions that would only effect "Katie" are now being tucked away in those last 3 decades. 

Becoming 30 is bringing on a whole new meaning to life. I know that when I'm approached with a decision it's not just looking in the mirror and asking what's best for "Katie". The decisions that I'll make, the mistakes, all of those fears and moments of joy and tears will have an impact on not just me but my family. I look forward to everything that we will see coming or unexpected and all I will learn along the way as I continue to grow.  

#85: Celebrating your Birthday each year in the most exciting way. Oh, get ready!

96 Days Until We Meet You

 

This is my last week before entering the 3rd and Final Trimester of my pregnancy. I was looking back at all of the events that occurred beginning in the 1st Trimester and thought I would list some of those to have written down in case my memory slips someday.

1st Trimester:

• Seeing our first positive on the pregnancy test before even hitting 4 weeks. Then taking a gazillion (yes... a gazillion) more just to make sure that positive did not change to a negative. 
• At 5 weeks when we felt confident of the pregnancy, Charlie and I took a day trip together to celebrate as we walked around Gillette Castle and grabbed lunch. It went in the book as one of the happiest days of our lives.
• Sharing the news with our parents and siblings. It was so hard keeping that from everyone as we wanted everyone together to announce at once. The excitement, tears and hugs were priceless.
• Going up to Boston to spend a weekend with 2 of our Best Friends. 
• Finding out that one of my best friends & cousin's are also due with their first babies.
• The first Doctor's Appointment which was very upsetting.
• The second Doctor's Appointment which followed 5 days later in which everything turned out to be better than we expected. 
• Being handed our first ultrasound photo.
• Ordering a Fetal Doppler Monitor  to hear the heartbeat at home. 
• Receiving the Monitor in the mail only after 3 days and after 20 minutes of listening to what ended up being my heartbeat.. we heard our baby.
• Two of my very best friends giving birth to their second babies! 
• Planning and prepping for my sister's Bridal Shower.
• Our official Announcement at 10 Weeks that we are expecting our Little Miracle in November. You Can watch our video "Here". 
• Dinner & Lunch Dates with all my wonderful friends, catching up and enjoying each other's company.

2nd Trimester:

• Finally feeling safe enough to get my hair done and hide all the dark roots that were taking over my head.
• Celebrating my Sister's Bridal Shower on a day with perfect weather!
• Finding out the Gender of the baby.
• Uncertain of the gender of the baby.
• Going back to confirm the gender of the baby and it was different than the first time.
• Confirmation that we are having a GIRL as the umbilical cord decided to move out of the way.
• Going away for a long weekend with Charlie to Lake Winnipesaukee where I finally was getting my appetite back and ate everything in site. We took a train ride and then drove ourselves around the entire lake. 
• Celebrating Charlie's 34th Birthday at a Max Burger. 
• Bought Charlie some gifts for Father's Day from myself and little Autumn. One being a book that had a list of all the amazing Kid Friendly places to hike in CT. Right up his alley!
• My sister's BIG DAY arrived. A wedding that was truly beautiful, memorable and perfect!
• Being a part of my nephew Parker's "Blessing Ceremony".
• Completing the Anatomy Screening of our little girl to find out she had a small Choroid Plexus Cyst in her brain. We were told it was nothing to worry about and would go away in the early 30 weeks of pregnancy. Of course.. we worried.
• A jam packed 4th of July Weekend where I discovered the pain I was constantly having was from my Gall Bladder.
• A follow up screening to confirm little Autumn had no heart defects (which she doesn't) and a surprise to find out that the cyst had went away prior to 30 weeks. 
• Another hair appointment to banish the roots as those amazing Prenatal Vitamins sure made my hair grow!
• Off to vacation we went to celebrate our last time as a couple. 

#96: A favorite past time as a family will be going to the store to buy a loaf of bread 

and sit at Mill Pond Park while we break away little pieces to feed the ducks.

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97 Days Until We Meet You

It's amazing how quickly life changes from being a "couple" to "soon to be parents". I feel that since the moment we saw our positives on the many pregnancy tests we have been in full speed to planning and preparing for her arrival. Our weeknights have not entirely changed except for the occasional drinks we would have with friends which I truly miss. Oh and I sure do miss wine as well. Our weekends seemed to be much more busier than ever before. We occasionally would attempt to sleep in late on a Saturday and Sunday but I blame my early wake ups to start fresh at the task that's on my mind that day.

I look back at the photos of Charlie and I throughout our 13 years together and they have always been so complete in my eyes. The photos were of only us and that's all there was for those years. 

Here begins our new chapter. I know besides the bump protruding from my unbuttoned, unzipped, tight pants the last 6 months.. our little girl isn't seen in the photos. I don't consider her missing as I know she's there, but what I've been doing is keeping photos of Charlie and I so that someday we will retake them in the exact location. She will be filling in that empty space beside us with that huge smile, pig tails and cute polka dotted dress which I picture all of the time when I close my eyes. Our family of 3 + our little fur babies of course!

#97: Making hand prints in stone together as a family. 

Before and After Tuesday

Today I share a Before and After all the way from the West Coast. 

My bestie had a very cool idea of what she'd like to do with one of the little man's walls in his bedroom. See the lampshade below and colorful stripes? 

We took on the challenge of painting stripes on one of his walls. 

It's lovely and most of all.. he approves. ♥

Join in and link up every Tuesday here:

Before and After

So I enjoy changing my hair a lot. You may remember this post. If you haven't you'll see my hairstyles throughout the years. I always want to let it grow, then I want to cut it off. Then I cut it off and cry that I wish I let it grow out. I change my mind constantly, as I'm sure many of you do to.

I decided to pick the worst hair picture I have for a 'before'.. you know like they do on those makeover shows. It was messy that day because of the wind and lack of letting my hair dry without straightening it.

Yesterday, after I made a big decision that will change my life (I'll tell all about it in a future post).. I needed another change. My neighbor is a hairdresser and did my hair once before. She put some highlights in it and the a trim. After she trimmed it I thought, nah let's go shorter. 4 inches later there was a pile of my thick locks on the ground. I really love it. Change is good. It's healthy ♥ So is mah hair ;)

If you would like to share a little before and after in your life.. feel free to link it up here!

Before and After

To make myself feel better, I"ll pretend that this is the truth. Everyone has that junk drawer or in this case closet that just accumulates a bunch of crap over the years. It's the place you put something when you think to yourself.. "Oh, I'll definitely use that at some point". Or perhaps it just doesn't fit anywhere else so you think... "Oh, I'll just place this in here and then very soon I'll organize everything and find a perfect spot for it". This is where you insert that loud noise when you get the wrong answer on game show... ehhhhnnnnnttt!

That item will sit in the drawer or closet.. or under the bed forever. So I exaggerate a bit on forever. However, it stays there a pretty long time until you finally get the motivation to take everything out and start from scratch. My taking everything our and starting from scratch required two large, black garbage bags. I feel great. I no longer feel the stress of having to search for something in the closet or even avoid opening it when I show people around my house! Ah feel amazing at this moment and very accomplished! This is love, don't you agree? To feel stress free over something that has caused you so much anxiety?

If you would like to share a little before and after in your life.. feel free to link it up here!

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Winners to our recent Giveaways

Congratulations to..

Scentsy: Sam Buck

Love is Photography: Julie Lynn Bickham

 

So it begins... "Before and After"

I mentioned a few weeks back while I was in Maine that I had some new ideas I'd like to bring to my blog. This particular idea I've been thinking about for quite some time now. I didn't know how I'd begin it off and if it's something that will grow amongst others. My philosophy though, you just have to give it a try. So here begins the first of what I hope to be many posts. Something that you yourself can be a part of and link up to as many times as you wish to different topics you post.

Now you ask what exactly does 'Before and After' mean? Well, as easy as it sounds. I want you to share something in your life that is some sort of change or just something you love but after you'll love more. It's moving on, simplifying your life, being happy and learning to expand your love for yourself and things around you.

Before and After

Today I finally say goodbye to two dear friends of mine. They're so much alike it's not even funny. We've been through everything together over the past 2 years. I've received the most compliments in my life because of them. My life will not be the same, but it's time to move on. I finally found someone else that can take the place of them. All relationships tend to be rough at the beginning as you're trying to find your comfort zone... and so will this. Let me introduce you to my old friends and now my new ones...

Link up Here!