30 Days of Truth

Hello everyone!

I was just discussing last night the 30 Days of Truth with my new lovely friend Natalie. She is beginning this journey so be sure to visit, encourage and spread the love her way (Little Pink Book). For those who recently found my blog you may not have been around when I was doing the 30 Days of Truth. It actually helped me learn so much about myself. It gave me a chance to be me, honest with myself and those who read my blog. It meant a lot to me to share that part of myself with everyone. I told myself I'd like to do this again in a few years to see if anything has changed. I honestly, recommend everyone to partake in the 30 Days of Truth. I was inspired by my friend Garnet (Mining Garnet) and I know of many others who have done this too. Even if you don't want to write openly about it to the world, it's something to do in the privacy of your own home, perhaps a journal.

Below are links to each of my 30 Days of Truth. ♥

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

The day has come. I began the 30 Days of Truth in October thinking I would complete it before Halloween. If you are taking a peak at your calendars, I know.. Halloween was a little time ago. I really enjoyed this adventure as I tried extending it as long as possible. It's time though to put it away and close this chapter. I challenge anyone to try this. I have a link at the top of the page listing each day and what you need to write about. I recommend not reading all of the days and if you are willing to be open with yourself and others, go for it. You can also try it on your own and do not share with others. Either way, I promise it's very therapeutic. You will learn about yourself. You'll open up some memories you tried to keep hidden but sometimes you need those reminders to beable to move on. I've worked with myself to get past some tough obstacles just by writing. I honestly, recommend anyone to try it. If you do decide to take on the challenge and need help please let me know!

Dear Katie,

I do love you even though I'm  constantly criticizing your little flaws. They are indeed what makes you, you. Your freckles are perfectly resting in various spots on your face and arms, legs and shoulders.. I love your green eyes and the freckles that made their way there as well. You are Irish so be proud of that as your ancestors were. So you're small, I love that too. Maybe you can't reach the top shelves in the cabinets and still need to climb on the counters. So what if you have to jump up in the aisles at the stores to knock something down with everyone looking, you do it so gracefully! That's why they make heels. You take after your Memere with her petite size, that's a gift. I love how you cry when you're watching the news and a sad report is being broadcasted. You have a big heart and clearly can care about anyone even if you don't know them. I love your soul and how you give everything you have to try to make others happy and hope that your inspiration can help turn their lives around. I love that you smile at strangers and it makes your day when they return the gesture. I love that you hug everyone you know as well new people you meet. I know that started because you have an akward handshake and don't feel that's personal, it's okay. Hugs make a a true difference. I love how open you are because just by expressing some feelings or a few stories you have brought people together that feel the same way. It makes others feel it's okay to think the way they do or an excuse to cry or laugh when others may not feel it's the right time. I love your patience with others. Too often people are waiting in line huffing and puffing because someone is taking too long. It's okay to take a deep breath and take your time in life, why rush it? The end result of life is not fun and patience is the key to being happy.

I love so many things about you so I'm truly sorry from the bottom of my heart that when we look in the mirror my first thoughts are negative. I will continue to skip that step and to focus on all the beautiful qualities inside and out that you possess.

Goodbye 30 Days of Truth, until we meet again. I would like to try this in a few years to see what has changed from when I began this journey!

Yours truly
Katie ;)

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

We all have flaws. Check out my Day 1 because I have a ton and may have been a little hard on myself. Those may be silly things to dislike about myself but they have a hard time going away.

My scars will always be there, but it's okay. I'm really okay with it, there's just times when I'm down on myself period and of course start getting angry about those stupid, silly flaws (in my eyes).

I stopped biting my nails and doing pretty good. That was a struggle, it still is but I'm working with myself to change into a 'non' nailbiter. They look really cute all dolled up with pink nailpolish!

There is another thing that has changed over the last few months. As many people know I've always had a strong opinion when it came to medications. I never felt like it was an answer and there has to be something else, another way to overcome obstacles. I was pretty stressed out a few months back, very stressed out. I'm talking incredibly, out of my mind stressed out. A few things happened that pushed me over the edge but weren't the main reasons.

My problem is asking for help. I never do, or should I say I very, rarely do. I guess I'm one of those people that think they can do it all on their own.. my own. It's not that I don't think anyone else can do the job I can or handle listening to my complaints I just rather not put anything more on anyone else. I don't want to be a burden.

It's something I had discussed with my Dr sometime ago and he'd always mention well you know we could do a trial on this.. or that.. (medications of course is the ... or...). I know quite a bit about medications and the ones that he mentioned I just wasn't 'diggin'. So back when I was at my low I went to my Dr with tears in my eyes and just said.. "I never ask for help, I'm forgetting to do things, my mind is completely cluttered, I'm shaking, sick to my stomach.. so here I am.. please help me.." He of course said "..well let's discuss options.. you won't take medications.. maybe you can talk to someone." I've done that before and sorry but they just never understand my language! I took the leap and left with a piece of paper with a word on there that I was 'okay' with.

Now, don't get me wrong that .... is not the answer. It hasn't solved my problems, but it has helped me. I'm not going to stay on this forever but already by losing the stress I've been able to think a little more clearly about certain things. I don't panic like I did before, and I stop before I make a decision. I'm learning more about myself.

So.. I hope to continue learning more about myself, building confidence and asking for help. It's okay to ask for help and it's also okay to look in the mirror and smile knowing you look really pretty that day.

Next time you pass bye a mirror, just stop, look in it, clothes your eyes and take a deep breath.. then look right back in the mirror into your eyes. Tell yourself "I'm an amazing, strong, individual and I look good. This is my life and I have total control"... Don't lose site of that.

Work on building yourself up which in turn will help you live a healthier life.

Love you all,
Kate

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

I was just discussing yesterday how two of my best friends are going to have babies. The idea of a new life, the circle of life is really comforting. There's so much more out there than what we see in our day to day life. A baby brings so much more to the world, opens our eyes and in a way forces us to jump at new opportunities. I love children and look forward to helping my friends and being there for them as they raise their little ones. I hope that my sister and Charlie's siblings have many kids as well so I can spoil the heck out of them. The best of course is buying those little booties, stylish clothes, funny shirts with the slogan "I get my good looks from Grandpa", you know exactly which ones I'm talking about! It'll be great to have a beach day and teach them to make turtle sculptures out of sand, my favorite thing!

With all of that said, yes I was dancing around the question. What if I were pregnant? Well, if I was I would be very scared I'm sure as well happy. There should be no negative feeling when it comes to a baby as they are so innocent and they didn't plan for the mama's to get pregnant. Then again, I feel everything happens for a reason. What would I do? I would be the best Mom I know how. I would love my baby just as much as I have shown love to those around and of course much more!

My question to myself which I know the answer to is, do I want kids? The answer is no. That has shocked quite a few people in my life as I love, love love kids! I worked at camps for the majority of my teen-adult life. From ages 3-12 the kids ranged and brightened my summers. I learned so much from them as I taught them Arts and Crafts, how to play dodgeball, being nice to others and how it hurts others feelings by laughing at them. I taught tennis, and how to tie their shoes. Some I helped with reading and showed them how to colour in between the lines. We sang songs and they learned to take turns going down on the slide. I've had to bandage them up and tell them cool and funny stories while I had to pour peroxide on them praying they wouldn't cry.

I truly believe I would make a wonderful mom someday but at this time I have no desire. I'm in love with love (Charlie) and my place in life is being with him and teaching each other every day, sharing and being there for one another. When we find the time together we go on little trips and laugh, listen to music. It's been like this for over 9 years and I'm happy where I am. That's not to say if ever I did get pregnant I wouldn't be happy, I would because that would be how our lives are destined for.

There's my story. Love you all!

KT

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

I have to just say how crazy these topics are, in a good way. When I finally read the topic it somehow relates to my day or what's going on in my life my jaw drops. I was just telling Charlie today how good I feel right now about life. I'm a pretty happy person anyway, but there's somehow always something weighing me down that I'm good at hiding or stressed out about. It's normal, right? Happens to the best of us. I always so that, something good will come along.

Extraordinary things have been happening lately to so many people I love. When that happens it makes me feel great about life. That life is being good to people that really deserve happiness. I have two best friends that are expecting babies that will be absolutely beautiful gifts in their lives. These are two amazing, strong and genuine women who I love so much. I'm so happy to be apart of their lives and beable to experience the journey with them. Someone out there is watching over them and finally said.. it's their turn to be happy. This is how life should be! We experience so many crazy obstacles that bring us down so low and just keep throwing more at us thinking we can somehow handle it. Finally hope exists once again when wonderful news like this comes to light.

So the best thing that's going on for me is what is going on with people around me. What I just discussed and so much more. I have a great friend that started up sending care packages overseas to men & women fighting for our country. She's so motivated and full of love I never doubted she would succeed. Some other friends are starting the next chapters in their lives with marriage and owning their first homes.

It's your turn to be happy now. Embrace others happiness that are around you. Be happy for other people and keep your heart and arms open! Believe me, it pays off. Don't dwell and be sad telling yourself it's not fair other people are happy and things aren't working out for you. I promise they will. It's always our turn. Happiness comes from the energy around us, so absorb it!

Peace & love!
Katie

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Has anyone ever said to you.. "you've got so much going for you what could possibly bring you down"? Maybe not in that exact phrase but perhaps similar? I would have to say that is the worst thing anyone could say to someone else. Ever looked at a picture of yourself and saw this big old smile but you know there's so much going on in your life that the smile is hiding? It's the truth, right? So take a picture of someone else that you think has a 'perfect' life in your eyes and look closely at their picture. How do you know there isn't something bad or troubling happening right now for them? It's the truth and the fact is you don't know.

Everyone has something or had something or will have something happen in their life that will bring them to their lowest point where it's going to take alot to get back up. I've been there, somedays I think I am there and sure as hell know in the future it could possibly happen again. The best thing I can do for me is try my hardest to live the life I want to and prevent myself from ever getting to that point again.

So to answer this very personal question.. and what's stopping me since I'm on Day 26.. yes I have felt like giving up. I remember specific moments where I was curled up in a ball crying my eyes out with no motivation to get up. I was shaking and just hoping people would forget about me and eventually I would just vanish. Why did I feel that way? There's been several times in my life that this exact scenario I just described occurred. I'm not going into detail as to why and I know that may defeat the purpose of this blog. I guess there are some things you keep to yourself.

My point is just know, please know that we all have something going on in our lives. That emotion of giving up, not being able to put ourselves back together.. we all share that. So the next time you're at your lowest and you see someone smiling, having fun, hearing good news about a friend.. don't get jealous. Be happy for them because they're deserving that happiness and it'll be your turn someday.

I love you all very much.
KT

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Do you remember along time ago one of those advertisements, late at night about how they can teach you 'Speed Read'? They showed people literally with their hand combing through page after page as if their eyes were reading a million words per second. I never really believed it but if you ever saw my Dad read (and yes I know he's an English teacher) he's pretty fast and it boggles my mind. Yep, I said boggle. I'm sitting here doing that same thing with me life. Trying to breeze through year after year since I was a wee little one thinking if there were any crazy incidents that I could write about.

Let's go back a little, play some 80s classics because that's where we need to start...

Mom&Dad are the first reason and only reason that I'm even alive. I don't think I need to explain the birds and the bees to you. If you're questioning it I learned everything from my sister in second grade so my facts may not be that accurate. ;) I have really great parents and can't brag enough about them in which pretty sure I've discussed them in prior blogs.

My Dad's the oldest of 7 wonderful Aunts & Uncles and my Mom is an indentical twin out of 4 kids. My Dad was always wise, intelligent and inspiring knowing he was the oldest and in a way had to be. The countless lessons I've learned from him could probably be written in an encyclopedia album.

My mom is so sweet, caring and always concerned (you can't deny it, Mom). There's nothing wrong with that. She's the reason I've grown to care so much about other people and their feelings. Also, I gained my sensitive trait from her.

Because of them doing the boogy woogy, a perfect delivery (yeah right), and teaching me so much I've gone through life questioning what could have been some bad choices. I have avoided so much negative all because of what they have taught me.

Thanks Rick and Kathy. You two are pretty amazing and I love you both so much. I appreciate you two falling in love and not giving up on having babies. I'm sorry I was a little late but I like to make an entrance!

Love always,
Katie

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

I can't pick someone specifically to write too in hopes they'll listen to music I find inspiring. It just may not be your thang. Instead I'm going to shimmy a list together with some description as to how it relates to me or inspires me, yada, yada ;)
In hopes.. that something will draw your interest and maybe you too will absolutely fall in love with the song of choice. If you're not sure if you will and want to hear part of the diddies, then hop onto Youtube put in the artist and title that way you can stop it at anytime your heart desires.

Don't forget though.. turn up those speakers!

Million Billion - Milk and Honey: The first time I heard this song I was sitting in my living room on a ladies night with my sister, and two fabulous friends Stace and Lauren. We were all gabbing and then the end of the last episode of King of Queens came on. This was the last few minutes where they did snapshots of past scenes throughout the series. I loved it and cried. Went online that night to search the lyrics hoping it would be out there and found it. It would be a great song to dance to at a Wedding but it may be too fast paced. I'm in love with it. It'll make you smile, I promise.

Dave Matthews - I'll Back You Up: Charlie played this for me long, long ago when we first started dating. I remember listening to it with him and wishing inside that Charlie and I would get married someday and be together forever. Well going on 10 yrs we're still here so perhaps my wish will keep on coming true? The lyrics are truly amazing and maybe you're not in love at the moment but if you ever were it still relates. It's when someone completely takes over your heart that you can't breathe (in a good way) and the impact they have on your life.

Counting Crows - Round Here: The first Counting Crows concert I ever went to was with my (again) fabulous friend Stacey. We sat on a blanket at the Meadows.. I can say Meadows because it still was back then. The grass was starting to get a little wet as it got cooler outside. Adam Duritz started explaining the meaning behind the song and how it go to writing it. I still get goosebumps when the music starts playing at the beginning of the song. He was so calm and beautiful describing life when he wrote it. I thought how much closer could I possibly get to the truth of a great song?

Shaggy - Mr. Boombastic: TOTALLY KIDDING!

Okay, 3 is good. I was hoping to expand the list but my thinking cap is on and just out of power.

Love you all!
KT

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Alot of these topics seems so much alike. When I start thinking about what to write it's like deja vu, so I apologize if I bore you at all and it's old news. Ah, regrets and more regrets. Whether it's something I didn't do, had done and wish I didn't.. it all falls under the same category. Anyway, I'm going to spice things up. Here is something that I wish had I done in which you'll see the outcome.

Throughout High School there was a particular Art College I dreamt about going to in California. Did my research and was in love. That was my plan, had everything I needed to know about it as well the area around the school. Did it happen? No. Do I regret it? Absolutely, but a few things would never had happened if I had gone in particular order...

...Charlie and I may not be together. My heart would not belong to him.
...Nevan would not be ours. He may very well had been alive but he would have a tacky name and perhaps living with a little old woman who rolls over him with her walker.
...We would not have bought our beautiful house. Matter of fact I may have come home to visit and never once had even driven down this road we live on.
...I would not have gotten my first (and only, for now) tattoo with Tracy when we were 19. It was a really cool experience and I love her for talking me into it.
...I would not have worked in all the places I have since I graduated. They may not have all been so great but I met pretty cool people and learned tons along the way.
...Most likely the surgeries I had would still have existed but I would have been away from my family and friends and dealing with it alone.
...There have been some close people I've lost in the last 8 yrs and not quite sure how distance would have effected being there for my loved ones.
...I reunited with friends that I lost touch with immediately after I graduated from High School that I consider my best friends. Perhaps had I have lived in California I would not have seen them until we had reunions and even then we may not have too much to talk about.
...Buying my Boy Blue, which is my car. He's a beaut and I'm very proud of my baby.

I think you get my drift :) I could name tons of memories and things that wouldn't have happened HAD I have done something in my life that I didn't do. Naturally, my life has played out pretty good. I can smile at where I am in this moment and satisfied.

Love you all,
KT

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

This one reminds me alot of Day 3. There are so many things I've done in my life that I regret but as I always say I don't sit dwelling on them. Just this one time, only for ha-ha's I will try to think of those things I regret in life. After this post is done I'm not going back to depress, pity myself, etc. I'm just being real and we all have things we regret but know better to let those remain where they are.. which is in the past.

There's a few bad things I've done that turned into funny stories. For example when I was in 1st grade the evening before school pictures I cut my bangs. "I" cut my bangs. I missed half of them and the half that was cut was pretty much all the way to the root. My poor Mom had to mousse my hair like crazy for the picture the next day. It's great looking at that picture, even better pictures later in the year where the bangs are growing out. Good times..

On a more serious note there's definitely things I've neglected in my life or did that created a different path for me. It could be considered good or bad, but they're definitely not those stories I could laugh about.

I gave up on Art in High School, my senior year of all years. Why? I couldn't even tell you now, just know that I did. I think it was slowly happening because of certain forces in my life and then eventually I just stopped caring. I remember the last week of school when everyone was gathering work throughout the years in the Art Room and I told my teacher "You can just keep all of mine". To this day I only have a few things out of 4 years creating an amazing Portfolio for myself. That's something I regret. Moving on before I start crying..

I wasn't there for my sister as much as I wish I had been in our younger years. She's amazing, caring and truly a genuine soul. When I finally did realize my role and what I needed to do I definitely worked really hard at being a better sister. There's just a period of time that I look back on and without a doubt I did not like that person I once was. She knows how I feel though and I'll be there for her until the day I stop breathing.

Love you guys. Thanks for reading :)

Kate

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

I hope this doesn't come out wrong because I'm not quite sure how to word this. I don't think this question is intended for someone mature to answer. With that said even though I must answer it I will say the correct answer it to put your feelings aside and be there for your friend. It's pretty obvious.

Now if I was immature and answering this, I may say.. It depends how bad the fight was. Or not check up on the friend and turn it into a dramatic situation where you shoulda, coulda, woulda been there had you not have fought.

Piece of cake! When times get rough, no matter what you're differences are those ALWAYS need to be put aside. Love is stronger.

;) Love ya'll
KT

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Only 10 days left of this here 30 Days of Truth. Don't get all bent out of shape, there's plenty of more to come after the 30 days are over, believe me.. you. I never understood what that meant.

Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll.. that's what the title of this one should have been. I feel like spraying pink flakey coloring in my hair, spiking it to no end, throwing on my leather pants (no worries Mom, I don't own any), high boots, jean jacket with holes and then jamming on my air guitar. Of course I would need a cigarette and maybe a flask in my half ripped pocket on the jacket. Can't forget about the bright red lipstick and mascara running down my face. Have that picture yet? That's not me and never will be.

Do I drink? Occasionally. Alcoholism is in my blood so it's definitely something that I will always keep one eye on. I enjoy wine, not everyday and not necessarily every week. When we go out to the bars which is very rare these days I could knock a few malibu with pineapple juice back, yes that's my drink of choice. I don't feel someone needs to drink everyday. Do a google search on alcohol and your liver, because that'll pretty much explain it in a nutshell. I've seen what alcohol has done to some truly amazing people in my life. I've always heard what it's done to people I never had the chance to meet. I always ask everyone.. becareful. That's all. I know that saying 'know your limit', don't shrug it off. Figure out your limit before you have the chance to lose control because it can and will happen.

Drugs? Not for me. Again, I've seen what that can do to people. Drugs took away really loving people. I know that everyone makes their own choices in life, but when something has a hold on you so tight, it covers your eyes and you're helpless. Drugs can do that to someone. Again.. just becareful.

I can't tell anyone what to do or not to do. We all make our own choices in life, whether it's just experimenting and knowing that's your limit. Then there's others that let these addictions become a part of their everyday life in which they are no longer living it.

We have so much in front of us that life is putting on the table. All these opportunities, love, children, jobs, homes, nature, animals, etc etc. There is so much out that and you can believe it or not pick any of those, focus on it and go for it. It's that easy as long as you keep an openmind. What I don't understand is that when all of these remarkable things are offered to us, why choose the poison? Once you choose that poison it's like a trick, it then removes all those options that you had before leaving you with nothing. So I guess all I can say is put some more thought into it before choosing the poison and if you already did.. think if that's what you still want.

I love you all. :)

KT

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Before writing about what is above I'd like to take a step back for a moment. The purpose behind my blog is.. to have a purpose.. to have value if that makes sense. I want this to be expression of me, my heart and mind. It takes alot to write about yourself if you haven't just take my word for it. If I'm putting all of me out there, as they say I'm an open book. Whatever the topic that I'm discussing I just hope that someone out there can relate or finds comforting in my writing, can teach me or others about something similar they went through and how to made it out standing on both feet. With that said.. let me continue what I'm here to accomplish today on Day 19.

I laughed when I saw this. For those who know me pretty well which is most likely anyone reading this.. knows that my LEAST favorite discussion is Politics. Religion, well I just avoid that at all costs if I can. I'm now sulking here a little on the couch wishing I could hit a random button and something new will pop up to write about. I've been slacking quite a few days and I suppose.. this is my punishment. Sure won't do that again!

Just a heads up because I don't plan what the next sentence is, it just pops into my mind and I type away. Of course if it's too much I'll go back and remove whatever shouldn't be there. I never mean to offend anyone. This is me being me, honest and open, just sharing my own opinion. I don't criticize or judge anyone for their beliefs or views so always keep that in the back of your mind when you're reading someone's thoughts on what could always be controversial subjects.

Religion why not start with this one? Do I believe in God? You would really need to define that. I believe there's some type of greater being out there. I don't feel that 'being' is a person who lived long ago, died and rose again. At one point in my life earlier on I did believe that. I read many, many stories in The Bible and went to catechism, had my confirmation and sat in the pew every Sunday for almost 15 years. I had also belonged to a Youth Group in High School which helped me get through some tough times and I met amazing people along the way. With that said I thank my parents raising me Catholic and pushing me into some programs I wasn't looking forward to. I had great experiences, that's a book in itself.

Why did I believe in God and why did I stop? I could say I was angry with God after praying every night when both my grandmother's were dying with Cancer. Praying, begging and crying every night for them to live and rid them of the pain. It's true, I did that. I could also say I was angry when a family member of mine was going through the hardest time of her life and didn't deserve any of it, but for some reason horrible things happened to her. It's true too.. I can't tell you when it happened, what the last piece of not believing in God happened.. but I do remember my feelings and my opinion on it all. I realize that I used God as a crutch. When good things happened I thanked God and when things went wrong he got the bad end of the stick. I didn't handle my belief the way I should have. We all need to believe in something that gets us through tough times. That just wasn't the right road for me. I didn't need to go to church everyweek to pray to someone that I couldn't understand. I can pray to my family and friends who have passed and I feel even closer to them. I've found what I believe in and it's Love. That's my belief, it gets me through everything. I could talk more on that topic another day..

Politics. I'm keeping this short and simple, real short and simple. I feel Politics is a cult, awful I know! It's all about brainwashing and wanting everyone to support the Government and the decisions they make. Pay taxes on everything, okay! Then someone comes up to say hey, vote for me and we'll knock down the taxes on this.. or that.. well it'll never happen. Politicians are just a nice face to throw up on billboards and the boob tube. They don't make the decisions or even write their speeches. I'm not a register voter, did you know that? That's how much I despise politics. I have every right to vote and that's great. When I start believing in what these people have to offer us, then I'll register.

Love you all and hope you understand this is all just my feelings :)

KT

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

I don't want to be pesimistic but it seems no matter how much time passes there is always something that strikes the Media like lightening bolt. It's in the headlines, takes over the TV, ends up in schools and then before you know it people are upset about something. There's always something right?

I'm lucky to have grown up with a diverse family. My relatives all have different personalities. I had friends from different cultures. The greatest appreciation I have though is being surrounded by such open minded, loving, free spirited people. My friends became family, their parents became my parents. I learned so much from different groups of people so there was no time to judge or dislike anyone around me when I was raised to love and embrace friendships.

With all of that said I feel that no matter what color, ethnicity, shape, size, sex... someone is love does not care. Your heart can't see it only feels. It should make no different who you love. Anyone who cares about you will be happy no matter what because that's what we do when we love someone. We support one another.

I think it's pretty obvious my views on gay marriage. I don't even like saying that because I don't think it should be titled any differently. But unfortunately this is the world we live in and a label is put on everything, right? I support it because I praise love and devotion.

Anyone who has a problem with this topic I think needs to take a little journey and get to know yourself a little more. I hope that doesn't come out mean. I just feel that we lived in this crazy society where normal is misconstrued. Times are changing and people have to learn to stop judging others and appreciate what opportunities are out there and the idea of change is a good thing.

I love you all and goodnight :)
KT

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

I'm sitting here with no makeup on so when I say I'm being as real as possible, I mean it. Pretending I'm in a courtroom on the stand being asked this same question..

Prosecutor "Miss Broderick, do you read books"
ME "Uhm.. well.. I mean.. yes.. no.."
Prosecutor "Please answer the question.. do you read books?"
ME "Yes, but I really only read one author..Mitch Albom"

Then you hear gasping in the courtroom as the Judge yells 'ORDER' and slams the stupid hammer looking device. Sidenote, those are like weapons and shouldn't be allowed.

Prosecutor "You're not very open to other authors I see.."
My attorney then steps in to say.. "Objection.. that's not a question.."
Prosecutor "Okay, please tell everyone your favorite book from this here Mitch Albom?"

At this point a sad song would come on. Maybe a Beatles tune... "The long and winding road..."

ME "The Five People You Meet In Heaven is the title...It's taking a look at those who made a difference in your life. We cross paths with people everyday and don't put much thought into what role they may be playing. Here's a book about an elderly man who dies after trying to save someone's life. He then goes on a journey in what people could consider as the after life. He's greeted by 5 people that were apart of his life at some point and made a difference. He learns how they changed his life and vice versa. It's amazing and these are the things people take for granted. We take for granted all of these great, genuine people who have maybe hurt us, loved us, either way they've helped us get to where we are. Turning it around we do so much for others. It's amazing..."

The end. This is where the courtroom applauds and the Judge gives up.

:) Love you all!

Kates

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

I know that the topic is looking for something specific and I'm staying away from the 'someone' and sticking with that 'something'. A matter of fact I'm going to shimmy together a little list of things that are apart of my life, perhaps take over it and that I know I can live without.. I just don't have the strength. I wish I was Rocky..

.. biting my nails. I don't understand why I bite them, it's really not a nervous habit.. it's just a nasty habit. There's a video of me when I was only a few months old and of course my fingers were in my mouth probably biting my nails with my gums no doubt. I did quit.. a few times actually.. but unfortunately caved and well you know the rest.

.. makeup. I remember when I was smaller probably 5 or 6 we had a babysitter who was great and wore so much makeup, but it was pretty. She would bring it over and put makeup on me. She also gave me a few of her eyeshadows and I would every so often put makeup on and run downstairs. I'd approach my mom saying 'notice anything'? She would say 'oh you look pretty'. That was all just fun and let me say I now despise the day in High School that I started wearing makeup, because it's hard to stop.

.. spiders I don't think I have to talk much on this topic, haha.

.. magazines. If every magazine known to man just disappeared in thin air, I would survive. I actually think this world would be 50% happier ;)

The end.

Oh wait! Sad endings in movies where the good guys die. I can live without that.

Love,
KT

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

"Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are friends."


I think it's safe to say that we have all lost someone we love. When someone passes the beginning is unreal, nothing seems to be as it is. We feel it's make believe and they'll walk back through that door smiling like they always did. Waiting to hear them laugh or feeling you need to call them to tell them something that only they would understand.

Then shortly after reality begins to suffocate us and we can't imagine getting on with our lives without that person with us. In our eyes nothing will ever be the same. Our heart is breaking and it hurts, the worst pain ever. Just the feeling knowing we can never hold them again. And then.. as time goes on our heart heals. It may not ever be completely whole again but it doesn't hurt nearly as much as it did before.

Have you ever lost someone and felt all of those emotions? I have and you know.. I'm still here. My heart is beating at times not strong as others but it is. I still cry time and time again thinking about people that I've lost in my life and there's sadly a good amount. At the same token.. I smile too thinking about the memories because I'm happy I have those moments.

So yes, there have been genuine people who I have crossed paths with during my life that I have lost and currently I am living without. For a long time I felt I would never make it without them physically being here. Believe when I say I'm not religious as I once was but I know that some of their characteristics I clung on to so a little of me reminds me of them.

I love you guys.

Kate

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Dear Kate Hudson,

I was debating writing this to you but after many hours of contemplating I decided it should be you. You're a true role model in my eyes and I've always considered you my favorite actress. You are extremely down to earth, full of life, naturally beautiful, play great roles, love everything I read about you in the magazines but most of all youre like an A cup. I know that sounds weird coming from another girl, but honestly with all the crap out there models starving themselves, face lifts, nose jobs, etc you name it.. guys wonder why girls are so insecure with themselves.

I don't consider myself to be all that 'plump' on top if you know what I mean! I'm not a Pamela Anderson or anything close to a Julia Roberts. You however are small on top but you're elegant and confident. If all people with fame could be more like you then I think women would be able to love themselves more and stop comparing themselves to the world. It's the truth and I don't think too many people would disagree with my statement. Those that can make some sort of difference in the world, that have the power at their fingertips never take the opportunity.

You always did though.. until recently. The stories are tweaked but they say you had implants. The majority of the tabloids are stating it's just a lift to show a little cleavage and that was your present for your 30th Birthday. I understand all women do things to make themselves feel better but not once during any interview did you ever comment on your insecurities. For that I always felt you were strong and confident with the woman you are. When the stories came out and you were interviewed you did admitt to your insecurity with your size.

I don't want to say you truly let me down but it did sadden me a bit to know that someone I admired for her confidence was just as insecure about herself as I am about me.

With love,
Kate (not Hudson)

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear Counting Crows,

You're really lucky because Dave Matthews Band was pretty much tied with you before I wrote this letter. How could I not send a sweet love note to my favorite group? I've loved your music since I could remember dancing around my living room with a brush as my mic. I was rocking out, dancing with no rythym to my favorite, Mr. Jones. I actually made fun of Adam's hair but at the same time was wondering how I could perfect the look.

Lyrics mean a lot to me since I'm a poet. Just as the music from the instruments are the first someone who plays notices. Just one line is all it takes for someone to feel connected to a song to feel.. 'you get me.' I wanted to share with you some specific lyrics that you had written and the times of my life that they had helped me.

From your song She don't want nobody near...'She don't want no one around. Cause she don't want anybody to see. What she looks like when she's down. Cause that's a really sad place to be.' Now you're probably reading this thinking how did this help? There was a time maybe 6 years back when I was going through my first surgery. I was so sad and pitying myself I guess you could say. It got to the point where I didn't want to see anyone because I couldn't smile. I couldn't make anyone happy because I wasn't happy so I isolated myself a bit. After listening to the song it made me realize there's obviously someone out there that feels the same way because where else would the lyrics come from? It had such a catchy tune and I loved playing it over and over.

A Long December I have to ask who hasn't this song helped at some point? The idea of a year ending and a new one beginning is exciting and terrifying at the same time. If you had a bad year then you're praying that the new one will be fresh and so much better. If you had a good year you feel your luck could have run out. I've had some years that the bads definitely out weighed the positives. It happens. Losing someone you love will always haunt you for the year they passed away. Just the words.. maybe this year will be better than the last. It's comforting, very comforting and keeps me optimistic about what's to come.

My lovely Counting Crows, thank you. Alot of the songs may be depressing but it's okay, everyone needs something to relate to. Just like watching a sappy movie when you're down in the dumps. Sometimes you need someone else to go low with you before you can lift yourself back up. You guys have always been there and remain on my random mixed cds.

I love you for being you and enjoyed when Charlie and I were front row at your concert a few years back. Thanks for throwing me the guitar pick, I still got it ;)

Loving and singing along always & forever..
KT

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Hola hola & hola!

I had to read this a few times because I interpret it different ways. Does it mean things I don't get complimented on because they're bad characteristics? For example, people say I'm too sensitive sometimes so it's not a compliment more of a criticism? Or does it mean something that people never notice. An example of that would be my fancy stillettos (did I even spell that write because I don't own a pair) I'm just kidding. I'm a Payless girl so my shoes besides sandals are not very cute looking. I wear the same boots to work all winter and don't get a new pair until they're completely worn out.

It's tricky, do you see what I mean? Or suppose, I'm over analyzing things. Oh wait! That's something I get criticism for, over analyzing every minute detail. Pa-ching.. another thing I don't get complimented on, haha. I guess I have to take the silly road hear and just spit like those that rap a few thoughts that come to my mind about things I don't get complimented on because perhaps they're not very noticeable.

..I rarely ever wear the same pair of socks. No one compliments me on that and it could be because they're covered by my $16.99 Payless Shoes and long pants because I hate wearing 'short' since they'll show my kankles. Yes.. I said kankles (thanks Nevan).

..My contacts are Oasis, they help keep my eyes very moist. I have to put eyedrops in them alot less than my old brands. It makes my life easier and my eyes very comfortable in their home.

..I use Aveeno shampoo and conditioner. I do get compliments when I color my hair which is quite frequently as you all know. But did you know that my hair is extra soft and nicely conditioned? Don't be afraid, next time I hug you go ahead and smell my hair and perhaps just feel the texture. You might say ooooh.. or ahhhh. ;)

..I'd like to think I'm a good driver. I have a very good record, never had a speeding ticket. I never was told I'm a bad driver but.. I was never told I'm a good driver, haha. I won't lie because people have honked at me, I'm guessing they weren't pleased with me?

That's all I have for now. There's plenty of not so good traits I have but I focused on that in Day 1 which I'll leave there for now. I love you all so much and appreciate you humoring me and reading my entries :)

With all my love,
KT