Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

We all have flaws. Check out my Day 1 because I have a ton and may have been a little hard on myself. Those may be silly things to dislike about myself but they have a hard time going away.

My scars will always be there, but it's okay. I'm really okay with it, there's just times when I'm down on myself period and of course start getting angry about those stupid, silly flaws (in my eyes).

I stopped biting my nails and doing pretty good. That was a struggle, it still is but I'm working with myself to change into a 'non' nailbiter. They look really cute all dolled up with pink nailpolish!

There is another thing that has changed over the last few months. As many people know I've always had a strong opinion when it came to medications. I never felt like it was an answer and there has to be something else, another way to overcome obstacles. I was pretty stressed out a few months back, very stressed out. I'm talking incredibly, out of my mind stressed out. A few things happened that pushed me over the edge but weren't the main reasons.

My problem is asking for help. I never do, or should I say I very, rarely do. I guess I'm one of those people that think they can do it all on their own.. my own. It's not that I don't think anyone else can do the job I can or handle listening to my complaints I just rather not put anything more on anyone else. I don't want to be a burden.

It's something I had discussed with my Dr sometime ago and he'd always mention well you know we could do a trial on this.. or that.. (medications of course is the ... or...). I know quite a bit about medications and the ones that he mentioned I just wasn't 'diggin'. So back when I was at my low I went to my Dr with tears in my eyes and just said.. "I never ask for help, I'm forgetting to do things, my mind is completely cluttered, I'm shaking, sick to my stomach.. so here I am.. please help me.." He of course said "..well let's discuss options.. you won't take medications.. maybe you can talk to someone." I've done that before and sorry but they just never understand my language! I took the leap and left with a piece of paper with a word on there that I was 'okay' with.

Now, don't get me wrong that .... is not the answer. It hasn't solved my problems, but it has helped me. I'm not going to stay on this forever but already by losing the stress I've been able to think a little more clearly about certain things. I don't panic like I did before, and I stop before I make a decision. I'm learning more about myself.

So.. I hope to continue learning more about myself, building confidence and asking for help. It's okay to ask for help and it's also okay to look in the mirror and smile knowing you look really pretty that day.

Next time you pass bye a mirror, just stop, look in it, clothes your eyes and take a deep breath.. then look right back in the mirror into your eyes. Tell yourself "I'm an amazing, strong, individual and I look good. This is my life and I have total control"... Don't lose site of that.

Work on building yourself up which in turn will help you live a healthier life.

Love you all,