A Bump & A Pup

We are down to 1 day left on our "official due date" calendar. Tomorrow, Friday will be 40 weeks that I have carried this little munchkin inside. 40 weeks of taking care of her while she grows and taking care of myself along the way. If she stays too snuggled in there I will be induced Thursday, November 20th. Either way we know she will be here in 1 week and my husband and myself are both ecstatic.

The house is very warm and all set for her. Her sweet swing stands in the living room where we turn it on occasionally to get the fur bur babies adjusted to the noise and movement. In all truth, I turn it on pretending Autumn is laying in it. :)

All of her teeny clothes, socks, mittens and hats are so soft and smell like Dreft, the slightest aroma of clean cotton. Our bags have been packed for weeks now and hanging out in the car beside her car seat.

We will soon be a complete family.. any day now. 

Awaiting Our Little Munchkin's Arrival

It sure has been a while since I wrote. With all intentions I was hoping to be able to post for 100 days prior to the arrival of our little one but getting ready for our little munchkin took up all of our free moments, which I do not regret at all. 

With only 9 days +/- until she gets here we are so very anxious and excited.I must admit that the last month of pregnancy sure is quite different than the other 36 weeks of pregnancy. It's a beautiful experience carrying the little one in there, the kicks, the wiggles, the hiccups and knowing that you are taking care of something so delicate. 

However, when it comes down to the last few weeks all that you want is to meet your little one. We imagine what she'll look like, the shape of her eyes, her nose, her lips, if she will have freckles or hair along with all of the colors of her features. We want to hold her and hear her cries. We want her to wrap her fingers around ours. 

Everyone says to be patient, but when you are this close and physically/emotionally ready, no one unless if they're pregnant at that exact moment or remembers being pregnant can understand the anticipation at this moment in time. 

So here's to the next 9 days give or take.. hopefully sooner than later, we will meet our sweet little girl and announce her to the world. 

79 Days Until We Meet You

This quote is what I heard over and over in my head on November 12, 2013. The day I went in for my surgery not knowing what the outcome would be in regards to my future with being able to conceive. What I did know was that I was going to be in a better place than I was prior to that day because in my heart I knew it was the right decision and I had an amazing surgeon. 

The first day meeting with the Doctor who eventually did my surgery he went over all my records from the past physicians I had seen over a 10 year period. He remained professional and I could see him shaking his head as he turned over some of the pages in my chart. Finally, when he finished he looked up at me and asked if I wanted to have children. I said "I do but for so long I've been told I can't". He said not even blinking an eye "Then you will have children". From that day on we began procedures and tests and ultimately the final result of it all was surgery. 

I think back to that first appointment with my doctor and sitting in my car while it was so warm. I burst into tears. I was so happy yet I was so angry as to how could I see so many doctors being told the same thing, making me feel so incompetent. Even to the point where one doctor gave me a card to see a therapist that could help me cope with the idea of having children (true story). Things I was told that I never shared with friends or family. 

There I was sitting in my car at the age of 29, in a hot car, with tears soaking my shirt... feeling for the first time in my life that I may not be broken after all. 

It will be just about if not exactly a year that Autumn will be born from the day I had my surgery to make this all possible. I'll forever be thankful for November 12, 2013 and the doctor who held and rubbed my hand as the anesthesia was kicking in saying, "everything will be okay Katie,.."

#79: We will make lists of things we are thankful for.

80 Days Until We Meet You

In the beginning everyone wants to get to 12 weeks. It's when risk begins to decrease and also begins all of the exciting tests and ultrasounds to learn more about your baby. I remember just wanting to say I was "12 weeks" as if it were yesterday. A few weeks ago we officially reached where we only had 12 weeks left. 

Writing that number on Autumn's new little chalkboard for her Nursery made me emotional, in a good way. I was so proud of myself for how far I've come and most especially proud of Autumn and how well she's doing. She's growing in there and teaching me the true meaning of patience. There were times when I was alone and things around me I lost all control of and I had my own little breakdowns. In moments of weakness I felt I had no strength. I just rub that little genie lamp of a belly and I realize she needs me. My little miracle needs me to keep staying strong and taking care of myself. Together we've made it so far and continue to make each day count. 

#80: I want you to experience color but also appreciate the beauty of black and white. 

81 Days Until We Meet You

This puppy.. okay so he will be 5, but to me all dogs are still puppies no matter what age they are. There's this beautiful youth they each have hidden away that they show at random moments. Peanut can be a Grumpy Old Man at times and just lounge not wanting to be bothered, which is very rarely I should add. Mainly, his #1 job in life is to love everyone and to make them feel loved. 

The moment we walk in the backdoor he greets us by jumping off the couch, while we hear his little paws pitter pattering and then he attempts to leap a whole 3 inches off the floor. It's his routine and then we pick him up. If Charlie and I walked in together whoever is not holding him walks close to the other so Peanut can switch off giving each of us an enormous amount of kisses all of our face and noses. 

What I enjoy is being home before Charlie and watching Peanut go from being in a dead sleep, to his ears perk up when the truck enters the driveway. He paces on the couch until he knows that Charlie has stepped onto the back deck and then there he goes full speed to the back door. Peanut seems to time is perfectly to be right there as Charlie opens the door. It amazes me and fills my heart to see how excited this pup is to his dad and best friend. 

We talk about Peanut everyday when Autumn arrives. We tell him everyday that he's still our baby too and we want him to show Autumn love just as he does us. We pray Autumn will feel the same way about Peanut as she gets older and they will have some great memories together.

#81: Watching the friendship that you and Peanut will have together. 

82 Days Until We Meet You

These are the moments that I live for these days. When I'm relaxing before bed, writing, browsing the web or catching up on all my friends and families most recent activities on Facebook. 

I feel an incredible movement from Autumn and then I look down.. and there is no question where she is. Which part of Autumn exactly is causing that mountain of a lump that helps me to see my stomach freckles that have vanished in the past 7 months? That part we only guess. Maybe it's her little tooshie, or head.. possibly a knee. 

Placing my hand or Charlie's on there, rubbing that little bump and talking to her eventually causes her to move position. It's the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen. It's very surreal at times and I know that our little girl is enjoying her time spent in there.

#82: Taking empty peanut butter jars, punching holes in the lids and catching fire flies.

83 Days Until We Meet You

I must have watched this video 50 times or more. It was our "Baby Announcement" video when we were around 10 weeks. I was so excited to share the news with everyone, but we of course wanted to be sure that all was well with our little one. At the time of the video we did not know the gender, we just called our little one, "Baby". This little baby was and is our Miracle. I'm glad we will forever have this video to share with Autumn someday. 

#83: We will take videos of all your milestones in life. The first giggle, when you have hiccups, first step, first words... We want to share all of these moments with you someday. 

84 Days Until We Meet You

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, that there is no denying of. However, I want to talk about the reality in which there is so much that I feel is left out. Perhaps, it's just not always explained fully as each woman goes through different experiences yet they're the same. We don't want to complain or sound weak. 

The moment I became pregnant it almost feels as if all control of my body was lost. It's not your body anymore. There is so much natural happenings going on that changes from day to day, week to week and month to month. The pains in different areas that come and go. The extra weight that surprises you in parts of your body that you haven't yet discovered. There's the swollen kankles ankles that leave your feet hurting as you take steps. 

There's the itchiness on my stomach, arms, wrists and legs along with light burning feeling as the skin stretches. There's also the dizziness and nausea earlier on during the pregnancy which takes a toll as it felt the flu set in.

Then there are the mood swings. It's not just an excuse, it's the truth (haha). Your body is going through so much, very fast that the emotions are hard to pinpoint and why you even feel the way you're feeling. 

However, overtime it all passes. In stages I should say as there is always some type of strange change going on throughout your body. It's all worth it and if I'm given the opportunity again someday I hope to do it all again. 

With all of these changes in my body I know who's responsible for them and she's going to be looking up at us before we know it with beautiful eyes saying, "Hello, I'm Autumn"

#84: Folding construction paper and cutting out hearts, tying strings and making a mobile.

85 Days Until We Meet You

Ah. August 21st, the day I turned the big.. 3-0! I took that day off to have some "Me & Autumn time". It wasn't all that eventful but it was relaxing and exactly what we needed. For some reason that day while walking around Home Goods in search of a chalkboard for her Nursery, it really hit me that soon I'll be pushing a stroller, a carriage or wearing a kangaroo pouch with Autumn tucked inside laying against my chest. 

It's my last Birthday which I'll be celebrating as "Katie". This was something very beautiful as the thought of next time my Birthday comes around I will be "Mom". Apart of me in all honesty was a little sad. Not at all that I'll be a Mom, but that this Katie who holds my youth, my mistakes, my experiences, lessons, fears, nights of crying into pillows, getting all dolled up to meet friends for drinks and memories that were just based on decisions that would only effect "Katie" are now being tucked away in those last 3 decades. 

Becoming 30 is bringing on a whole new meaning to life. I know that when I'm approached with a decision it's not just looking in the mirror and asking what's best for "Katie". The decisions that I'll make, the mistakes, all of those fears and moments of joy and tears will have an impact on not just me but my family. I look forward to everything that we will see coming or unexpected and all I will learn along the way as I continue to grow.  

#85: Celebrating your Birthday each year in the most exciting way. Oh, get ready!

86 Days Until We Meet You

Charlie's favorite book to read as a child                                   Katie's favorite book to read as a child

As children my sister and I loved scary movies. We watched all of them, probably much younger than kids were allowed. We also enjoyed all of the movies with Superheros and the classic, original monsters. 

Our father being an English Teacher had such a creative mind. Though we enjoyed the movies we of course would still be a little scared to sleep some nights. Instead of opening a book and reading page to page to us, my sister and I would hop onto one of the beds and my dad would begin telling a story off the top of his head. They always included a scary character like Freddy Krueger (as an example)... and then Batman would join the story and put Freddy in prison. Sometimes, the scary characters would end up turning good and befriending Superman or the Beast from the TV Series Beauty and the Beast. Each night he would tell us stories, the characters were new and the story lines were so exciting and suspenseful.   

We would still read books of course. We had many, many books in our house, especially the  entire collection of '..Little Golden Books' which were always our favorites. Once I could truly read and my little speech setback was corrected in which I could pronounce all of the letters in the alphabet I really enjoyed making up voices. I did it mainly to make my sister laugh as well my parents and friends. I liked to pick out books to read that had a lot of conversation going back and forth between the characters.  

Charlie and I decided to each search for a book that we loved as children. Amazon is an amazing thing! I of course loved Katie the Kitten because my name was printed on every page. Charlie was a big fan of Grover and as we went through the books together we attempted to talk in the Grover voice. We cracked up and couldn't get through an entire page reading in his voice. I look forward to reading these stories with Autumn and having her discover someday her favorite book she loved as a child.

#86: Sharing stories together as a family each day and talking in silly voices.

87 Days Until We Meet You

A beautiful and oh so elegant gift for Autumn from Auntie Alisha. 

Our little miss Audrey Hepburn you will be. One of my favorite actresses of all time and an inspiration. 

As a child I danced. I danced.. and danced... and sang while I danced. I wanted a pink tutu and to take dancing classes. I never did take classes but that is on my bucket list still (never too old to join a class). 

There is something very free spirited about putting on a dress of any shape, color or length and playing tunes.. really loud. It doesn't have to be your favorite song and you don't have to be a good dancer (I sure am not). To spin around and loosen up every joint in your body and not care what anyone thinks. Living in the moment.. you are living in the moment. 

I hope Autumn feels free and can live in the moment being herself. Our Little Tiny Dancer.

#87: Watching while your father teaches you how to play guitar someday. 

88 Days Until We Meet You

There are so many things I do that help me relax in my day to day life and I pride myself on that. Though things stress me out just as much as they do for others, I can always take a deep breath, take a step back and evaluate the situation I'm in. Sometimes, if I don't want to think about the stress I'll give myself a little time out. I'll do something that occupies my mind just for a short while then return to the situation and figure out how to work through it. 

- A change of scenery makes a difference. Even if I can't leave my home, just walking into another room can bring my stress down. I may look around at the decor and think back to where I purchased something from. I may begin to get crazy ideas of moving furniture around (at a later time). 

- Stepping outside to smell the roses. I know that's such a cliche, but it's very true. If there are flowers, walk outside and smell them. Look at the details in the flowers.. they're artwork and pretty inspiring. You may even see little creatures crawling around getting their snack in.

- Going outside and laying in the grass. Anytime of the year this works, really. Even if there's snow on the ground, or if it's raining. It sounds nuts but being that close with nature is incredible.

- Going to the store and purchasing a coloring book and pack of crayons. Long ago I discovered this. Not just from spending my entire youth in Art classes, but coloring in a silly book, staying in the lines is truly therapeutic. Next time you go to the store pick out a coloring book and grab a pack of crayons.

- Shut off the phone. Sometimes our stress can be a direct impact from the phone. It's okay to turn it off for a while and tuck it in a drawer, your purse or in a room that's not in your direct view.

- Taking goofy photos of yourself. That's always been a go to of mine. I must have hundreds thousands of photos that I'll never share because I look absolutely ridiculous but they make me laugh. Set up a timer, put makeup on, or decorate your face and hair. Let your face relax and think of every emotion or gesture there is. Just be yourself and you don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks. 

- A go to hobby always relaxes me. I am always finding new hobbies that don't last very long but perhaps that's a good thing. It keeps my mind busy and challenging. 

- Since I'll be a FTM "First Time Mom", going in Autumn's Nursery and laying on her white squishy rug on the floor has been so peaceful for me. I can lay there for hours just thinking about the day she's sleeping in there. 

I know not all of those stress relievers I do now will be the same when Autumn arrives. The bottom line is no matter how bad things are we are still breathing and it's okay to take a step back, take that deep breath to make you realize... you're still alive and give yourself a time out by doing something that occupies your mind and body.

#88: We are going to sit in the grass and make dandelion necklaces & crowns while taking silly photos together. 

89 Days Until We Meet You

One year ago 8.17.13 I married this very handsome man (the one without the floppy ears). My best friend who I've been so lucky to spend 13 years of my life with. To find someone who means the world to you and you to them and soon bring a child into the world that is a product of the love we have for one another, that's truly priceless.

I remember in my teen years with the crushes, the heartbreaks and the breakups in Junior High and High School. I remember hurting so much and thinking it was the end of the world, you know that feeling? You feel like you'll never find love and just pity yourself. 

When I met Charlie he made all of that go away. I knew when I met him that he was who I wanted to be with. I even wished on a shooting star as cliche as it sounds. Prior to us dating I sat beside him outside talking one night and looked up. Not only was it a shooting star, it was my first shooting star I had ever seen. I wished that we would be together and spend the rest of our lives together.

#89: I will be there when you go through your first heartbreak and I promise that you will find the love of your life someday.

90 Days Until We Meet You

There is a genuine, calming feeling when you're home. My favorite part of our home has always been the deck. I appreciate it's presence no matter what season we're in. Especially, our very worn down swing that I've spent countless mornings, afternoons and evenings laying on with Peanut. Evenings that Charlie and I had just sat there in silence or discussing our day. 

As a child my Papa had put together a swing on our front porch that we shared with my grandparents. I remember sitting on that swing beside my Papa while he read the newspaper, or smoking a cigarette talking to someone across the porch. It was comforting to be beside my grandfather and listen to his voice. Even during the last year we had with him we would sit on that porch together. I was home. 

I look forward to the day little Autumn can sit beside us or even climb up on her own on the swing, or future more updated swing. I hope she finds peace in those moments I had whether I was sitting with someone, Peanut, reading or writing my poetry. 

You look at the rusted object on our deck and see a swing. I see my past, where I am now and the many memories we will create as a family. Where ever that swing is, we will be home.

#90: All of the many adventures we'll have. One being bringing your big brother Peanut to the park. 

91 Days Until We Meet You

Friday was one of the turning points in the pregnancy. Reaching the Third Trimester was something I prayed for every day. As exciting as being pregnant is and the beautiful journey you go through, there are still points where you feel incredibly scared that something could happen. It's a feeling that doesn't technically go away, but for each milestone that you reach it feels like a true success and makes you feel amazing that you are okay. We are okay.

#91: We're going to grow a garden together someday. You'll be able to pick out your owns flowers and we'll watch each day as they begin to grow.