Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I got a little of topic venting about my recent adventure with the fun filled flu. I really would have liked to skip this one, Day 10. I'm a little far behind but this one is hard. I honestly do not have anyone currently in my life that I need to let go of. Sure there are people that have hurt me badly in my life but believe me when I say any who has I do not associate with. Of course they will never read this because of the fact.. I do not associate with them.

I'm at the point in my life that those I befriend are people that I wish to have in my life as I begin to grow even more. I feel we're at the stage where we get married, buy a home, raise a family. These are extremely crucial parts of our life and we want to share that with people we feel will be around for along time.

So with that said there is no one at this time in my life that I wish I didn't know. There are people I love that I wish didn't hurt other people whether they mean to or not so perhaps I can take the time to ask people to take a step back when they're in a situation. Think before you act and really ask yourself will what I say hurt this person? Do I want to hurt this person? Hopefully, you're answer is no I do not. That will help with relationships in your life. I myself am guilty of this in my life. I'm no angel but I've learned alot from my past. I'm working on making better decisions for myself as they effect those I love around me.

I love you all very much and look forward to sharing the future together :)

Love always,
The sick one..

There's a difference between beating yourself up and being honest with yourself. You can not change the past but you can learn from your mistakes. Always look for the positive that came from any bad situation.

Not My Cup of Tea

I have not felt this sick in so long. It's 'The Flu'. I don't even feel it deserves to have a 'The' before it's name. That shows power, power you deserve. Kind of like .. The King.. The Zoo.. The Love of Your Life. You know what I mean? My couch has been my home for the last week +. I'm pretty sure my body shape has now been formed within the cushions. Peanut has been my buddy, licking my nose, face and keeping me warm. When I'm uncomfortable I watch his belly breathing, moving up and down and it seems to relax me. Thanks Peanut baby for being so cute and not take up so much room as Charlie would have had he have laid on the couch with me.

So this stupid sickness. I didn't realize it was out so soon but then again it's always floating around in the air, crawling on door knobs. I tell people that if you're sick stay home or start taking stuff ahead of time. I stayed home but I didn't take care of myself as well as I should have.

In case you're wondering if you have the flu, I'm not a Dr but these are all the symptoms I've had which I guess are enough to have the flu.

*It started with a sore throat but no congestion at all, just post nasal drip and a little runny nose. I was never really stuffed up.
*I've been really weak. To the point I walk around a little and I'm lightheaded and need to sit down.
*Chills and sweats. I get cold where I'm shaking and then get hot where I sweat. Fevers too. Get a thermometer to check yourself whenever you feel you're not normal.
*Which leads to my fever dreams. Ever get those? Of course I didn't mention this to the Dr lol, but I've had such crazy fever dreams.
*Everything hurts, my joints hurt, legs, feet, knees, arms, neck, back, you name it. It's all aching.
*I have a cough, a really dry cough where nothing seems to be loosening up. My chest hurts everytime I cough and once I start I can't stop until I gag. I didn't realize but I have bacteria in my lungs which is also bronchial per the Dr.
*My head hurts and feels like someone shoved a balloon inside and blows it up when they are bored which is often.
*I've been nauseous and definitely had my share of getting sick over the last week.
*I'm extremely uncomfortable in my body. I lay down in one place and get up and sit in another, then back and forth.
*I look in the mirror and it's not me.

If you have any of these symptoms, again I'm not a Dr but I recommend you go see one!

Thanks for listening to me complaining, lol :)

Love,
KT

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Drifting apart sounds so sad and depressing. Reading the title of Day 9 made my eyes a little watery, I'm not going to lie. I even avoided this topic for a few days. Life is real, friendships are real, falling apart happens.. even if we try with everything we've got. Everyone has those friends, maybe a group, or a few.. even just one. Those friends that knew everything about you, you could be silly with, confide in, cry with and just be yourself with.

There are different stages in life as with school and after.. elementary, junior high, high school, college, work.. If you look at pictures during those times do you find yourself laughing thinking, "Wow, I looked like that? Look at my hair! Look what I'm wearing!" It was a different time. Look at those pictures again and who you're sitting next to. Was it a Birthday party with a group of girls/guys that you barely see anymore? Some you may scratch your head wondering where are they now. That's life and it was different then.

We take so much with us during these parts of life. Perhaps, we learned not to bleach our hair, or follow a ridiculous trend or specific groups of people in general. We also learn from all the wonderful friends we had.

I have special friends and family in my life that I still talk to but unfortunately never see. There's also those I still care about that I don't hear from anymore. I'll always hold them close to my heart because the person I am, they are partly responsible for. I had a friend that taught me that complimenting people makes them happy and smile. I love seeing those reactions. I also learned alot about myself that it's okay to sing, dance and be myself no matter who I'm with. That you can go to the store, try on clothes just to try them on and not buy a thing. That pictures are so important in life and there began my passion for photography. I had artistic friends that inspired my throughout High School that I love so much.

So I sit here writing this all for anyone to read. There's not just one person that I drifted from but instead various parts of my life that pushed me to grow. I look at these last few lines and think how strong I am. Honestly, I'm not. My heart definitely hurts a little thinking back to some great times with such awesome people, but it's happy pain if that makes sense. It hurts because I know it was real and it helped make me who I am.

So thank you to those special people in my life. You all know who you are.

Love you all,
KT

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell..

This is a sensitive topic for me. It hits close to home in regards to those I love, family, friends and even strangers. I feel that everyone at least once in their life has been 'bullied.' For those who can't think of one time, there could be a slight chance that you were the one doing that bullying. There's also the chance that those that were picked on had also done the picking on even though perhaps we didn't mean to. I know I'm guilty of that.

I don't define this as old school bullying. You know, stealing the lunch money, throwing someone in the garbage can, shoving their head in a toilet, kicking them in the hall, etc. The list continues. It is also just making fun of someone plain and simple. Criticizing how they look whether you're saying it to their face or behind their back. The moment you are in privacy with a friend and the two of you are talking badly about someone else because you don't care for them, that's bullying. You're using their name in a negative way which most likely will come back to them.

It's awful how much bullying has increased. I think back to learning in school about how all of these different countries fought wars because they weren't from the same background. Then it was whites and blacks. Gays/straights. It'll never end. You would think in a world with so much to offer we would spend our time enjoying life than making it hell for others. I'm so sad seeing all of these headlines in the news, young kids committing suicide because of others ambushing them, posting slander, harassing them. It's unbearable but the best thing we can do is spread love, surround ourselves with good people who have the same morals as you do.

There's no one particular person who made my life hell but I think back to one of the worst years of my life. Back in Middle School and a few people who liked picking on other people. It always started as 'harmless' pranks or jokes but their intentions were anything but nice. Someone always ended up hurt. I knew about something they were going to do to a girl so I let her know to save her the pain. Of course it came back to me and I ended up getting harassed. I remember pretending to be sick for almost 2 weeks just to avoid going to school, hoping that by the time I came back they would forget about it. It was awful and I cried everyday. The whispering, the eveil looks. That's bullying believe it or not and those few people smiled everytime they saw my eyes fill up with water. I even got to the point where I was pleading and apologizing to them. I look back and now being much stronger than I was then cannot believe I did that. People can be so evil.

With every bad experience we have there's so much we learn from it. Believe me when I saw those few people I never considered friends even though as years passed they were always nice to me. I don't need people like that in my life when I have so many wonderful people who are genuine and truly care about others feelings. I just hope people grow up and learn from their past as I did.

I love you all.
Kate

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Je t'aime Papa, Mémère & Grandma..

I grew up with a Papa, Memere and Grandma. There was no Grandpa as he passed away when my Mom was 5. I remember people bragging about getting spoiled by their grandparents. I didn't know what that meant exactly. Having quite a few cousins under my Papa and Memere and just a few under my Grandma it was all I needed. On each side our families were close. My cousins were my friends and no one ever kept us apart.

I was in 1st grade when my Papa died, going into 8th grade when my Memere passed away and lost my Grandma a few months after that. All fought the cancer battle. Not a day goes bye that I don't think of them somehow. I've learned so much from each of them but today I share some history about my Papa and I.

I learned that tomatoes were not my deal when I helped my Papa plant his vegetable garden. It was really small and he knew I loved cucumbers. He gave me a few seeds and showed me how to put them in ground. Before no time a huge cucumber grew intertwined with a tomato plant. I remember when he took the tomatoes off went in the house and told me to try it. I was such a fussy eater. Believe me I was. I said 'Papa I don't like them'. He said '..sure you do, you won't know until you try.' So I did and puked on the floor. He then went to say that we learned I don't like tomatoes.

I also learned from my Papa how my eyes are definitely bigger than my stomach. Going back to my comment about being a fussy eater I also wasted food, alot. When Papa made spaghetti he would put a few strings on my plate. I'd ask him for more and he would tell me that when I finished those I would get more. There's hungry kids out there. You know the speech, we've all heard it. How clever, though, right?

I learned from him the importance of gifts and how you don't have to spend money. The cucumber that Papa and I planted together. Well, he wrapped it up for my 5th Birthday in Newspapers and I opened it in front of all my friends and family. I'll have to find the picture but you have never seen such a smile on a little 5 year olds face like mine. It was to this day the best gift ever.

My Papa nicknamed me Squarehead and to this day when I look in the mirror I can see a square shape to my face. He always teased me about how much I talked, but I loved to and he never once told me to hush. I loved making him smile. I always told him stories and when friends came over I brought them next door to meet my best friend, Papa. I followed him around the house and asked a million questions. Again, he always smiled, answered and was so patient with me. I must have been such a pest.

When he was sick with cancer near the end they had to put a bed downstairs for him. I would come over everyday and my Memere would let me go and open the blinds then I would crawl up in the bed and cuddle with my Papa. He had a favor red/black plaid blanket that was so warm. When my Memere was sick she gave me Papa's blanket and told me she knew Papa would want me to have it.

I remember the first time I made milkshakes in the blender. My mom let me put all the stuff in and she pressed the buttons. I filled up a glass and brought it next door for Papa to try. I'll never know if he really liked it, but he devoured it and asked for another glass. I was so excited and came back to tell my mom I had to make more.

We would go to breakfast almost every Sunday at Saints. My Papa knew everyone as he walked in and everyone called his name. Reminds me of my Dad and how he seems to know people no matter where he goes. Everyone got breakfast foods which to this day is my least favorite meal of the day. I wanted a donut. I saw them on a glass tray when we walked in. No one thought I should but my Papa ordered me the chocolate covered donut. I would cut it up with a fork and knife and every week I got the same kind of donut.

We went to church back then every Sunday as well and sat in the same pew week after week. I always sat next to Papa. I looked up to him.

People make mistakes in life but my grandparents always forgave people and did whatever they could to help anyone. They were wonderful. They had big hearts and enough love for everyone even strangers. I wouldn't be where I am without any of them. I could write a book about having each one of them in my life and what has changed. Today I look back on my Papa as he was the man of the family and say he made my life worth living.

I love you so much and miss you.

Kate

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Throughout our lives there are going to be certain things that happen which we will consider to be 'the worst thing ever to happen.' Then something new comes up down the line which becomes 'the worst thing ever to happen.' It's an ongoing cycle which we can't avoid nor excape. It's scary at times terrifying. Death is on my list when I think of the worst days of my life. Death means letting go without having time to get yourself ready for it. Death means saying goodbye to someone that you truly didn't get that last goodbye with. Death is permanent and that truly scares the hell out of me.

Without extending this long, depressing post I will get back to the topic and here is my answer. I hope that I never have to say goodbye to those I love. I know it will happen but it's something I never want to do.

I love you all too much.

Kate

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

I am such a slacker. The proof is how far behind I am with my days. It's interesting that the topic would be something I hope to do in life. I will never do anything if I continue to be such a slacker, haha!

My Memere (french of course) and Papa (irish) visited Ireland many moons ago. I always loved looking through their photo album. Everything is green, ironic I know! They did site seeing and took so many pictures. It's kind of comforting knowing how much it must have cost to develop back then.. and pictures for special occasions, vacations were so minimal for people. They took up an entire photo album, though. My most favorite photos were each of them kissing the Blarney Stone upside down.

I truly hope to visit Ireland someday and take pictures just as they did and kiss the Blarney Stone.

<3 KT

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

This is tricky because at this time I'm not upset with anyone or hold a grudge. If there was a point that any issues occurred they have all been resolved. This will be short and painless. I'm flying in the clouds with no lights or radar!

I forgive whoever created the Cell Phone. It makes me mad to think I depend on it, constantly checking texts, sending them, capturing random moments, freaking out if I forget it or the battery is close to dying. How sad is that in which such a small, fancy piece of technology can have such a crazy grip on us. I do cheerish it and love having it for all of those reasons I just listed. I forgive you the creator of the Cell Phone. I'm pretty sure you traded your soul for that invention, haha!!

Love you all,
KT

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

“Get forgiveness now - tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty”

I missed a day, sorry about that. I'm making up for it with two and it's a bit late. In reality though I thought all day (yesterday, not today) of what I was going to forgive myself for.. I just didn't have the opportunity to write it all out. I'm definitely disappointed with myself for various things looking back in life. Regrets is probably the correct term, but the truth is we all have them.

I have to admitt that its a bit odd to write to myself saying I'm sorry and then after replying.. it's okay? I'm not going to lie, it's weird. So how did I do this? How did I come to the decision to forgive myself for this specific thing? What made me choose this? I'll be honest I had to look deep into the mirror and talk to myself for a little while...

One of the biggest issues that consumes me is my insecurity. There is so much that I can stand so rewinding a little to how I came up with this topic.. I had to look in the mirror. The mirror can be your worst enemy, you're judging yourself when you look straight at it. One insecurity spreads like a wildfire in Cali. At this point in my life I've finally come to the conclusion (even though I always knew this) that this is my body and I'm stuck with it. My skin will never be perfect but there's things I can do to improve it the best that I can. Weight is an issue to everyone in all different sizes. To someone else you look fine but to yourself you're not happy. I want to be happy with myself and comfortable in my skin.

Dear Me,

I am very sorry for spending the majority of my life feeling insecure. I know that inside I'm beautiful and have a heart of gold. I am forgiving myself for the times I looked in the mirror with tears rolling down my face feeling unhappy about my appearance. That's not fair to you. Now that I'm forgiven I can move on and learn from this.

Thanks self, you rock ;)

Love,
KT

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth: Today we dip into the clearest ocean and swim with "LOVE"

I don't know if this is a quote or not. It's a thought so perhaps I've heard it once before. "What can be your best quality can also be your worst." Does that make sense to you? It does to me.

Love! This is my absolutely, favorite word in the dictionary. I'm in love with love, everything about it. I feel it's important to over use it! You can never say it too much as people are scared of. I know how it makes me feel to hear it so I can only imagine what day I've made for someone else expressing how I feel about them. I hope.. when I die I'm remembered for trying with all of me to make everyone feel loved.

I love.. love.. LOVE..

..my big heart. I feel it and hear it so I know it's there. I have so much room to care for all the people in my life and even more. I'm pretty sure that the love in my heart is unlimited and it's a great feeling. My heart makes me hurt, cry, and feel anger. I love it, all the feelings make me real.

..my green eyes with freckles. I was told when I was very young by my Papa that the green made me more Irish than others. It's silly when I look back but that's what I think of when I really take a good look into them (in the mirror of course).

.. that I'm observant. I feel that I would have made a great Profiler for the FBI, haha. I don't want to call myself someone who judges in a negative way. I can look at someone and in my head create a summary of their life and them. I've come to find out after knowing them that I was right. Where ever I am I've observed my surroundings, so I'm never really caught off guard in a situation. I really love that about myself.

..that I'm a hardworker. No matter what I've done in life I've worked really hard to get where I ended up whether it was a short period of time or long. I have a house now with the love of my life and 3 crazy animals but I (we) worked really hard to get here. I never gave up even though perhaps there were times that made it easy to. I'm happy that I put all of me into anything I take on.

..my love for photos. I may not be a professional photographer, maybe someday I will be! Not today though ;) I've caught some great times for people and because of that they'll always have those memories. Which leads into my next love..

.. my appreciation for memories. I don't want to say I dwell but I'm one that enjoys telling stories from my past and asking alot of questions about others. My friends have probably heard some of the same storie a thousand times. Side note.. thanks for letting me repeat myself because it means something to me :)

.. my energy. This is funny because at so many times I have the 'lack' of this, haha. I was a spunky, happy child who talked, sang and danced too much. Nothing wrong with that. As I got older I lost a little of that and calmed down. I think over the past few years I've slowly got back to my so called 'ways'. I love talking, singing and dancing and believe me you can never do any of those too much!

I may add onto this list but I'm very satisfied with what I've written so far. I love you all so much and thank you for taking the time to reading this and being apart of this journey!

Love always,
KT

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

30 Days of Truth: Today focuses on the word "hate"

I know I missed a day, yesterday ended up being too beautiful with various things happening in my life to sit my butt down and open up to tell all what I 'hate' about myself. That word makes me cringe. For those who know me can vouche for me when I say I barely ever and I mean extremely seldomly do I use that word. Most likely you would find me in tears, crying, barely breathing if I were to use that in a sentence included another person's name. Sure I may say foods I h-te or certain clothes, etc. There's no emotions behind that and it just flowers from your mouth. However, when you're including someone's name in that sentence it becomes almost a sin, curse, a swear, gasping... did you really say that?! Moving on now that I've clarified a bit on the background and what this word means to me you'll understand that this is difficult. I guess you have to go through the bad to get to the good. It's funny that 'hate' is the first topic in the 30 Days of Truth.

I hate
.. my skin and because of that I wear makeup everyday. It's time consuming and I feel that I'm hiding my true self from the world. It's also oily which I despise..
.. my teeth, perhaps I needed braces as a child regardless they're awful and I have a small gap between two teeth.
.. my height. At times I like being small but you can get left out because your voice doesn't get heard. No comedy behind that, it's true. I'm overlooked.
.. my heart. It's too big. I feel too much for everyone and worry constantly. It causes me to put everyone and everything in front before.. well, me. I'm learning this though alot lately. I feel guilty even saying all of this but at times this is just how I feel.
.. my eyesight. Contacts are convenient and glasses are just uncomfortable (for me). I can't see without either so going under the water is a challenge of mine.
.. swimming skills, or should I say lack of swimming skills. I can swim in a pull and in the ocean stay where my feet touch the ground. I know that the possibility of me drowning someday is very likely. I'm a terrible swimmer and those who know me, know that. Because I can't swim well I'm scared of the water, deep water. This then causes me to be scared to go on a boat. Damn you stupid swim instructer Ann from when we were little for scaring me so much, pushing my head under the water and traumatizing me. Damn you..
.. that I'm scared of heights. My knees lock up and I can't move when I reach the edge. I can't enjoy rollarcoasters, and when we go on hikes I won't go too close to the edge.
.. that I don't follow through. I have wonderful ideas and projects in my head and never pursue them. It's laziness I know, but I still hate the initial process of stepping over all those ideas and never going back to them.
.. when I hurt people. Going back to the moment I was a child anyone I had upset, family, friends, or people I really didn't know it follows believe me. Never in my life did I ever initially hurt anyone but sometimes it does happen whether we plan it or not. My heart chips everytime I feel that I've caused anyone pain or stress.
.. my scars. They make me feel damaged. Even though it's only really me that can see them, I know they're there. I can feel them. Reminds me of the surgeries to remove the breast tumors as well finding the endometriosis. It makes me feel weak.

I might beable to go all day listing all of these. I want to take a step back though before I get carried away. Even though I do hate all of these things I also have learned from everything. But I'm following the instructions of this exciting adventure. We'll see what's in stored for tomorrow. Thank you for reading. Feedback is always much appreciated.

I love you all so much!
KT

I'll take one to go, thank you!

I first want to share something wonderful that I'm looking forward to starting tomorrow. I chose tomorrow because it's the 1st of the month and happens to be on a Friday. Instead of the typical "hey I'm going on a diet, starting Monday.." why not flip things around a bit! A beautiful soul (Garnet) has inspired me with "30 Days of Truth." I look at it as if I'm completely stripping myself of all clothes and makeup and being completely open. Okay, haha that's a very strange and maybe uncomfortable analogy, but each day will be the truth, honesty, exactly what you see is what you get. I'm ready to open myself up a little more and perhaps along the way I'll learn more about myself. I recommend all of you to do this. Even if you don't want to share this with the world, do it for you.

Perhaps in months or years from now you can look back at these 30 days and see what has changed, improved or perhaps realize you're living in circles! I'm filled with so many emotions thinking of the next 30 days, overall I'm excited.

30 Days of Truth
The idea is simple: 30 days, a topic a day, to tell the absolute truth.

I thought this was a genius idea, even the title. Sometimes it is very hard to speak the truth, even to yourself. Many of the topics will be easy to talk about, answers I have known forever, others may prove to be questions I’ve never asked myself because I am simply afraid of the answer. I am hoping that my responses will surprise me—teach me some new things, and reaffirm the things I’ve known all along.

It’s bound to be a journey of some sort.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Courtesy of the wonderful, talented Hope.

-------
This leads a little into my next topic or perhaps same topic. Either way my thoughts.. A few weeks back I was feeling that life was going rather smoothly, a little too smoothly. No bumps or obstacles that I could see. Then again that kind of crap always creeps up on you when you're not expecting it. Well, it did just that! I then had a bit of a set back and hit my stress level. In all honesty I went past my limit and broke down. It was terrible. I never want to be that stressed out or upset again (never say never.. I know..). It's so easy to smile and say I'm great when things aren't great. I know when things are bad when I can't even do that! The stress made me physically sick and I finally headed back to work today. I'm always thankful for these 'hiccups' along the way because they make me stronger. I definitely got knocked down and slowly picking myself back up. I'm happy I went through what I did because now I realize I need to worry about me for a bit. I've put me off for far too long that it's time to take another look at my priorities. I have a few ideas up my sleeves which I'll share soon!

I'm truly looking forward to what's to come in life and putting these past few weeks behind me. I'm letting people handle their own problems if they don't involve me. Giving myself a chance to get to know myself again, haha!

Love you all - Peace
KT

There's no place like 'Home'..

At the end of August we will have been in our home for 10 months. That's along time to care for a house, pay a mortgage, etc. I think back to when we lived in our oh so fancy apartment for almost 4 years. Even though I appreciate having a place of our own and especially that is was in Plainville there is so much I do not miss.

You know me, I love lists. Love em! Everytime I get frustrated over something so small in our house I remind myself about the apartment. Now it wasn't bad and I promise to make a list of all the goods that happened while we were there. However, today I'm looking back at things that happened that help me appreciate our home! So here we go.

I sure don't miss.....

...the rotting pine trees in the parking lot that leaned over my little Ford Escort. It dripped sap all over and was awful to remove. Friends of mine who ever visited, I apologize for the sap on your car!
...having to contact the main office for 2 months straight until they fixed our mailbox, gave us a key only to have ripped up mail in the box accumulating overtime.
...the first neighbor across the hall who was overly friendly and creepy all at once. I was 5 minutes late running to the basement to grab my laundry just to find him removing it and folding it in my basket. He smiled and said 'I thought I'd fold it for you and bring it up'....as I replied nicely..'Please don't touch my laundry'
...the washer and driers in the scary, dark, dirty, smelly basement. Going back to my previous comment (5 minutes late).. neighbors would leave it over night and at one point 2-3 days in a row. I put up a sign one time, very nice and one of the neighbors ripped it down and threw it out. Sidenote: No one ever cleaned out the lint.
...when it snowed and it took until 5pm that day for the plows to come and clear everything out. Meanwhile, your pants for work were nice and wet, of course cold and icycles hanging off.
...our crazy neighbor living below us. When I say crazy I'm being nice.. I really mean psychotic. Friends, how can you forget? He was constantly yelling throwing things, honking his horn, very unfriendly. He lived with his wife/fiance/girlfriend (either way she was unfaithful) and children.
...our crazy neighbor (yep same guy) who parked in front of the door everyday even though it was the fire lane. It didn't allow the rest of us to park in front to drop off groceries off.
...the cracked window in the kitchen. It was our first day and I was sure to call them to let them know there was a crack. We didn't want to move out one day and not get our deposit back. 4 yrs later we move out and I waved goodbye to the cracked window that never got fixed.
...when there was a break in to a bunch of cars outside our building. There was a huge spot light that faced the cars that was out for months. I wrote letters as well Charlie and I both called. Nothing was done and Friday, October 13th was the night some youngin's broke up and stole some stuff out neighbors cars. Did you know the next day the light got fixed? Well.. I'll be!
...brown water! The pipes were rusty and on so many occasions you had to let the water run for a few minutes before hopping in. Let me say though, I am THANKFUL we had warm water. It's just rather nice in our house seeing how clear it is against a white bathtub.
...speedbumps. As fun as they are to speed and fly over my little Ford Escort (rip where ever you are) got a beating underneath.

The end! :)

Find out for yourself all of the strengths you have inside of you..

I was just listening to Jason Mraz, a personal favorite musician & lyricist of mine. He's quite inspriational and I go through life looking for guidance. Even though he's a bit famous and I've never met him, most likely will never.. I genuinely appreciate him being who he is and sharing what he's created with the world. So thank you Jason Mraz!

"Find out for yourself all of the strengths you have inside of you.." The very last verse to his song, 'Song For A Friend.' My last entry was putting together a list of things in my life that were related to the love in my life. I really enjoyed doing that, it felt good. I cried putting that together, but it wasn't because I was sad.. well I guess that's not true. Partly, I was sad thinking back to certain events but it was a good, therapeutic cry which is really healthy.

I've always been an open person and I think that goes back to when I was little and being quite the chatterbox, outgoing and being surrounded by really happy, exciting people. I think love and strength goes hand in hand. I don't think.. I feel that. What we overcome makes us stronger, but we lose, makes us stronger. When we give up on something it doesn't necessarily break us, we learn from it, so that too makes us stronger.

I think it's a great idea for everyone to take time to make a list of their strengths. You don't have to share it with anyone if you choose, but just so that you can remind yourself when times get hard what you've overcome. We're all super-men and women. After you make your list, take a look in the mirror and really look at yourself. That's you, the guy/girl who overcame all of that, it's pretty amazing, it really is.

Just a few things on my list of moments that have helped to make me strong:

..graduating High School, that's alot of years of education built up for one day. The friendships that were made and lost, taking something from all of them.
..being there with all of my grandparents when they were all fighting
cancer. Questioning my beliefs after losing each one and then the day I stopped being angry and began living with the memories and what I learned from all of them.
..when my first breast tumor was discovered when I was 19 and for almost 2 weeks they thought it was cancerous. Being the youngest in a room full of women all suffering from cancer and feeling their strength. My Dr was a true inspiration and helped me understand everything. 4 tumors later, they have all been benign.
..the first time my heart got broken and the first time I broke someone else's heart. You feel you can't go on, but you do, we always do and things get better.
..the day we moved out of the house we lived in for over 15 years. I thought life would never be the same, there was a huge hole in my heart. Then I realized how family made a house a home and not the location.

I love you all,
Kate

Hello to you too, Love.

Life is crazy, would you agree? I look back to the order of events that brought me to this moment, suppose I do that everyday. Thinking of the most important people in my life and reasons why we are all placed the way we are in one another's lives.

Love is crazy. There's so many different types of 'love'. There's the L word that people are scared to say to someone they may be falling for. There's the love we feel for our pets, our friends, people who made a difference in our lives, a stranger that made your day. A moment, a shirt or pair of jeans, flowers, a book that changes your life. We love air condition when it's hot. There's the love that we can't explain and just feel.

All the people, moments, things that play a part of our life we love when we stop to think about it. I felt like putting a list together of things I love and what love means to be. It's a bit random but while waiting for the laundry to be done and in between cleaning I felt why not sit and make this list. As you know, I love, love, the whole concept of it. I'm feeling more and more lately that people are losing site of love and those that fill our lives up of love and the things around us we're taking for granted.

So here's my list.. what love means to me in no particular order.

Love is..
.. waking up, walking outside to a rose bush that happened to bloom over night. Never owning a house and here I am picking my first rose, putting it in a shotglass on my counter.
.. the excitement of our new puppy, Peanut wagging his stubby tail the momeny I come home.
.. going to the cemetery every spring to plant flowers at my Memere, Papa and Uncle's grave. Something I used to do with my Memere.
.. watching 'It's a Wonderful Life' every yr before Christmas time and thinking what a wonderful life I have being able to share with my family and friends.
.. feeding ducks with Charlie at Mill Pond when we first started dating - 9 years ago.
.. someone asking 'How are you today' when I'm having an awful day and even though I always say 'I'm doing great'. I love that you asked.
.. watching old videos from High School that my best friends and I put together.
.. Cold, raspberry ice tea
.. a hug from someone I haven't seen in a long time because it's expressing how much you've missed each other.
.. Cherry, my favorite stuffed animal that I was given the last Christmas that we had with my Papa.
.. Singing in the car with the windows down.
.. Hiking with good people who appreciate nature as much as I do.
.. old photographs which what I take today will someday be.
.. silence when my mind and heart need it.
.. a best friend book that Tania gave me when we were 19 and we've both filled out. It's not complete, but it exists and has such great memories.
.. the poetry book I started in 3rd grade (which I still have of course)
.. the first time I drank malibu & pineapple with Charlie at the casino when I turned 21.
.. the inside jokes with my family that never get old and we can laugh about over and over.
.. being strong and overcoming bad/sad obstacles with my family.
.. the pain I feel when family is fighting, because love is being challenged.
.. playing tennis in High School and being apart of an amazing team.
.. art class and all the talented friends I made. We all supported one another and could see things other people couldn't.
.. Old Orchard Beach and staying in the same cottages for 20 years.
.. born with that outgoing characteristic which allowed me to make friends easy.
.. living next to my grandparents as a child and calling my Papa my best friend.
.. making a chocolate milkshake just right.
.. seeing my Grandma's huge smile when I said she's a 'Cool Grandma' when she bought a bandana after she started to go through her Chemo treatments.
.. my last sleepover with my Memere before she passed away and what we talked about.
.. Sitting at home with my sister on a Saturday night watching an awful movie with Lou Diamond Philips.
.. Charlie playing his guitar and knowing he feels at peace.
.. hearing my parents laugh.
.. having genuine parents who raise you to love everyone and not hold grudges.
.. crying with a close friend.
.. worrying about people who mean the world to you.
.. being scared.
.. giving a good tip.
.. hot chocolate when it's snowing.
.. the day we were told Nevan won't make it and he did.
.. not having an actual brother but living next to my little cousin who IS my brother.
.. honesty, that's all I've ever asked for.
.. when a stranger holds the door open and smiles before walking away.
.. staying home, drinking wine and taking goofy pictures with a friend.
.. going for a walk at the park and catching up with someone you haven't seen.
.. getting a text from a good friend to say 'hope you have a great day today, I'm thinking of you'
.. my greens eyes that I was once told by my Papa.."that means you're extra Irish"
.. my tears
.. building forts in the living room with Kelly in elementary school when Mom worked late. Dad let us get away with so much.
.. the feeling when I was tall enough to go on bumper cars without an adult.
.. the day I got my driver's license.
.. getting an award at work which makes you realize what you did, didn't go unnoticed.
.. the smell of my favorite candle that just eases me.
.. personal notes in a Birthday card.
.. getting mail which does not include bills.
.. doing something just because and seeing the smile on your face.

This list could continue and one day I will add to it. I love you all for so many different and simliar reasons. We keep each other's hearts going.

:)
Love,
Kate